He didn’t divulge the details, but as he spoke, the wall in her mind slipped and Alysanne remembered. A loud gasp escaped her as the weight of these recovered memories slammed into her, knocking the breath out of her as her eyes widened - unfocused on Miykael, unfocused on anything in the present. She remembered wanting to explore, encouraging Iona to come with her as she danced around - gleefully happy about everything that was going on in her life. She had a new home then and her first mate, everything was spring and sunshine. And then he found them - they didn’t know the cave was where demons were found, they didn’t know there was a dark heart to Nocturne.

“Abaddon.” She whispered her name as she felt her legs give out - felt everything slip from her. Colliding with the mossy ground, her knees screamed at the impact - even the lush carpet could not completely hide the rock that was underneath. Hemlock screeched, flapping his wings and pulling at her mane in a feeble attempt to keep her standing but ultimately he came down with her. “Oh, Mikey.” The pain was hazy, as former-pain always is, but she remembered everything. Remembered the first time his teeth sunk into her neck - and her attempts at beating him away with her wings only to have him latch onto one and use his jaw to shatter the bones, scattering her blood everywhere.

His tongue along her body as he whispered into her mind that she was his forever more. The images that he planted there, they seemed so real while it was happening. It all comes back as a rush - being trapped as he tortured, raped, attacked, killed her sister over and over again. In five minutes she witnessed the crimes a thousand times. And the terror of realizing that Iona was witnessing the same thing in reverse.

And the pregnancy. Finding out she was going to be a mother from him. Those tears that had started to gently fall turned into sobs as this moment in her life rips its way back into her mind, eradicating the lie. And it was this pain, the present pain of this recovered memory, that caused her to want her Mikey beside her, comforting her and reminding her that the world wasn’t a terrifying place.

Iona’s beautiful body, broken and coated in a mixture of both of their blood. The wings that she loved to use so much splintered and dragging behind her as they made their escape.

And as soon as those memories were back she wished that they were gone again. How could he love anyone as pathetic as she was, requiring someone to take away her memories in order to make her whole again. Her sister had to go find him, asking him to help, because Alysanne was useless. The flood won’t stop but she needed to fight against it and surface back into the present just for a moment. Still she can’t focus on anything, those green eyes lost somewhere in the past. She had wondered when the moment had passed that she had been unable to sleep while alone but now she knew.

She had gotten used to the presence of another because they hadn’t wanted to leave her alone - someone needed to be there when she woke up screaming night after night. “What is there to love about me?” No bitterness, only acceptance - the words coming out as barely a whisper - something that might have been lost if it weren’t for the still air around them. She was weak, a danger. She couldn’t even explore some caves without endangering her sister and her unborn child.

For a moment she is able to focus again - green eyes finding blue as the sobs become more violent. Of course he was only trying to protect her, that was what he did - her anger seemed so silly now that she knew. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know - I didn’t know!” But she won’t ask him to take them away again, she doesn’t even know if he could. At least they are there and maybe, just maybe, she will be able to handle them this time around.