---

ELSA
Realism [+2]
- I am a little confused as to why Elsa attacked Midas in the first place. She seems to come at him out of nowhere, but at the end of your first post, she is reserved in her actions?
- If Midas was aiming lower for her knees or forearms, then how did he hit her chest by missing? He would have had to kick higher or she would have had to somehow squat, but you didn't write that happening.
- Overall everything was very realistic to me, but I would have enjoyed reading more of the effects of her being a pegasus in this battle. After your first post, I didn't see anymore of how her wings would help or hinder her battle, and even though one of Midas' attacks was aimed at pinning her wing, I didn't see a response to that.


Emotion [0]
The emotion seemed to be very much back and forth between the entire battle and a little manufactured. I never got the sense that she was feeling the pain or the intensity of battle - just playful remarks here and there. I felt the most emotion in her indignation, but otherwise, I was left confused most of the time by what she was feeling. Since the beginning of the battle was just her running at Midas for no reason (I didn't see one?), the entire situation felt a little off to me. Why is she trying to prove herself as a warrior if she is a mason? Was she ever scared at all?


Prose [0]
- "So she felt as if in sort of a bind"
- Very many word repetitions
- " just needed to be over soon, she didn't want to keep running on this leg" - like Midas, two independent clauses need to be separated by a conjunction
- Also please watch out for the amount of run-on sentences. A few for impact make for great prose, but when there are too many, the entire post reads very choppy.


Readability [+2]
Everything was very easy to read, straight-forward, and, for the most part, clean!

Finally tally: 42.5 + (4x2) = 50.2 HP


MIDAS
Realism [+3]
- "action fortunately left Elsa with nothing but shimmering humidity" -- be careful with statements like this. Even though you control what damage you take, this kind of statement can be minor powerplay by stopping any possible counter-measure she may have written in her next post.
- I feel that you not only have a great grasp on battling, but also a great grasp on battling with a pegasus. The environment was mentioned often, but I would have liked to have seem more of the effects of being in a forest. Was the forest dense? In the way? There was some running involved, so where were the trees? You had enough words left for your max limit to include some of these fine details to improve the overall picture.


Emotion [+1]
While I didn't feel much emotion from midas throughout this battle, that is reasonable. This is only a spar for him. However, I wanted to see more of his reaction to being suddenly attacked by one of his herd members. Was this planned? Did he know this was going to happen? What is going on? I liked how he struggled to consider his battle prowess against her well being, as that made the battle much more real to me. The score reflects this battle as not being one of what I felt was much importance, but the emotion was still present.


Prose [-2]
- "Moisture slide..."
- Though not a huge issue, watch out for your run-on sentences
- "calculated with shocking speed, I listened keenly for the shuffling of those glassy feet" - these are two independent clauses, so they need to be separated by a conjunction, not a comma
- "entirely meant to be wasted, golden toes did manage to brush past" - another two independent clauses separated improperly by a comma
- " fell across skull in anticipation, I was tempted to turn head for" - another one
- "rustic color" - I think you mean "rusty" color because rustic means of or relating to the countryside
- "reflexively jerked crown away" - I think there is a word missing here
- "Jaws snapped close with an irritated ‘click’, my gums burned, flustered by anticipation and an obvious missed " - this sentence reads very awkwardly. Since "jaws snapped" and "my gums burned" are two separate sentences, there needs to be a conjunction, or you could just say "gums burned", though this is iffy for me
- "push against the solid bulk of her barrel, the lanky lass lost her balance and cried out, retreating to nurse some" - another one
- "bulk slide back" - I think you mean 'slid' back, otherwise there is a verb tense issue

Every single post had multiple grammar or verb tense issues. While the posts did not seem rushed and there were no spelling errors, the grammar needs attention.


Readability [+2]
Easy to read with good attention to detail!


Finally tally: 65.5 + (4*2 = 8) = 73.5 HP