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C h a l l e n g e r | D e f e n d e r
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By my verdict ARCHIBALD is the winner.
ARCHIBALD -- post 1 (attack only)
[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: earth tremors.
0| Attack: striking with legs. Although striking at Birch’s legs is a good attack, your second part about possibly tangling their legs up and bringing Birch down makes no sense. It would affect both of them for starters, and there would need to be more speed and momentum mentioned for it to be plausible.
[Prose]
0| Easy read. A few typos.
+ 1| Flow.
0| Emotion. I could feel you attempting to give motive and heart to Archibald, but nothing really felt powerful.
BIRCH -- post 1
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: steadies against earth shake magic.
- 1| Defense: if he had to steady himself from the earthquake he can’t rear without more consequence.
+ 1| Attack: tree slam
+ 1| Attack: biting.
[Prose]
0| Easy read. Some mild confusing parts.
+ 1| Flow.
0| Emotion. Again I feel the attempt to inspire emotion but I don’t get a true sense of it, I make no connection.
ARCHIBALD -- post 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: escape the tree blow.
+ 1| Defense: take the bite.
+ 1| Attack: bucking.
+ 1| Experience: thinking of killing Roanne & fighting Smoke.
+ 1| Attack: bucking.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Flow.
+ 1| Emotion.
BIRCH -- post 2
[Realism]
- 1| Defense: taking the buck is plausible given their closeness, however since Archibald was aiming for his head I would have thought it placed higher as you gave little reason to it landing on his shoulder, and although I loved you injury description, to fully take a buck is very severe. A buck is a horse’s strongest attack.
+1| Defense: avoiding this buck, but incompletely.
- 1| Attack: bucking at Archibald’s knees could not work based on their position, it would be his hocks instead, seeing as Archibald had just kicked at Birch so they were butt to butt more or less.
- 1| Injury: there is no effect of the large injury sustained to his shoulder from the buck effecting his movements. This would make his ability to buck very difficult.
- 1| Powerplay: “The massive form of his body twists and turns to face the stallion’s back, and with a sudden heaviness, his weight falls upon the other stallion’s hindquarters.” You cannot assume Archibald took your weight.
+ 1| Attack: pawing at Archibald’s spine.
+ 1| Attack: biting.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Flow.
+ 1| Emotion.
ARCHIBALD -- post 3
[Realism]
+ 1| Experience: thinking of spars with Vincent.
+ 1| Defense: taking the kick to his leg
- 1| Injury: taking an entire buck to his leg should be incredibly disabling and it is not described as such.
- 1| Defense: avoiding Birch’s hoof and bite attacks needs to be more detailed, I nearly thought you ignored them.
0| Attack: neat to see battle cry used! However it wasn’t made very clear that it was being used without the summary.
+ 1| Attack: rear attack.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Flow.
+ 1| Emotion.
BIRCH -- post 3
[Realism]
-1| Defense: there seems to be no effect from the battle cry.
+ 1| Defense: takes the rear to his withers
+ 1| Attack: rearing strike/fall into Archibald
+ 1| Attack: tree stab
[Prose]
0| Easy read. Some confusing parts, had to re-read one section three times because I wasn’t sure if Birch had fallen to the ground or not.
+ 1| Flow.
+ 1| Emotion.
ARCHIBALD -- post 4 (defense only)
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: taking the tree attack.
+ 1| Defense: avoiding the hoof attack.
- 1| Injury: you should not have been able to back up quickly considering your hind leg took a full buck.
ARCHIBALD
[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed.
+ 1| Health – although taking a buck to your hind leg is bad, overall you had the least severe injuries.
[Injuries]
None.
[Creativity]
+ 1| Loved you including how the seasons affected the injuries you sustained.
Comments: You had a lot of great attacks and you took your attacks well, being very descriptive of placement and exact names of body locations for the most part. I would like to see more differentiating between left or right sides however, and to remember to include how an injury would affect your future movements. I loved your inclusion of the companion on the sidelines as well as considering the experience you gained in other fights, it helped provide some emotion and I enjoyed the pride you showed Archibald held for his work and his herd. I would like to see more incorporation of terrain effects from you – you did fantastic including breed! Overall you have a great sense for fighting, but need to be a bit more specific with some of the attacks and defenses, as at times they could be mildly confusing or seemed too open for interpretation (such as avoiding Birch’s rear at his spine) and to remember not only to describe an injury, but how it will influence your character from then on. Great fight.
BIRCH
[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed.
[Injuries]
None.
[Creativity]
+ 1| Very interesting to see a Lignea fight, loved the inclusion of the tree for attacking and the sap as bleeding :3
Comments: I really started to see more of Birch coming out with each post, so I saw a great improvement with emotion, but I never got fully connected as you were still very mechanical about attacks and defenses. Similarly you had a good feel for realistic attacks and defenses, just sometimes your positioning/aim would seem off or not well described for what you did. I thought the injuries you took were good, but you also need to remember to include how an injury sustained will affect the character for the rest of the battle. Because of the nature of this character I would expect more inclusion of the tree on his backside, as to how it will affect his speed and balance in every post, but I really enjoyed you using it as a weapon, however sometimes that wasn’t always entirely clear. Again fantastic job including breed, but don’t forget about terrain! Overall you have a good fighting sense, just remember to be accurate about where an injury is and how it will influence your future movements, and to be a bit more clear and descriptive about giving and attack or defending one, as sometimes I was confused as to what was happening (such as being influenced by the battle cry). Good fight!
TOTAL
ARCHIBALD - 68
BIRCH - 64
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