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07-28-2014, 07:29 PM
I wanted to leave this world and it's hate. Why do I stay if I am not wanted? Only Destry wants me, and I want her, but I am unsure if that is enough to keep me alive. I had tried to get Mauja to kill me, then in the Hidden Falls I had tried to drown myself. The thing is, I could never bring myself to end my life. Perhaps now this is something I simply want to do. I want to die. Maybe I will run into Destry once more in the clouds-- in heaven. Maybe I won't go to heaven. My only home may be hell, and though it scares me to say that, it is the truth. What does Helovia offer me other than hate and the fading glimpse of hope I see very rarely? The World's Edge hates me, the Hidden Falls hates me, Africa hates me. I can't just learn to deal with that. Hate is something that is meant to surround me. I was a slave before Helovia, a hated slave, too. I'm too unusual for anyone. Even my parents were bittersweet about me. I have realized that there is no more sweet left for me. Maybe years and years into the future the horses that once held grudges over me will forgive me, but what about now? I am supposed to suffer through this? Life can either be cruel or nice. It was nice to me at first, but then being attacked and scarred made Life change it's mind. Now everything is cruel. I am tormented by myself everyday. I can tell myself to be happy, but faking happiness is not like being truly happy.
I trudge towards the edge of the island. I do not jump off the edge, I merely lay down, the soft grass tickling my underbelly as my body sinks lower. The edge is right there. It would be simple to scoot my body over a foot and peacefully fall to my end, but I do not do that. I'd like to wait until I can give Destry what she wants before I leave this world. I want to give her a family. So, as I look over at the expanse of helovia, I wonder about what our children would look like. Will they be cute? Of course they will. They will inherit that from Destry. Will they be psychotic like me, or sweet like Destry?
ooc:; open for all :D aurelia got really sad here o-osomeone should come and make her happy again ;-;
I trudge towards the edge of the island. I do not jump off the edge, I merely lay down, the soft grass tickling my underbelly as my body sinks lower. The edge is right there. It would be simple to scoot my body over a foot and peacefully fall to my end, but I do not do that. I'd like to wait until I can give Destry what she wants before I leave this world. I want to give her a family. So, as I look over at the expanse of helovia, I wonder about what our children would look like. Will they be cute? Of course they will. They will inherit that from Destry. Will they be psychotic like me, or sweet like Destry?
ooc:; open for all :D aurelia got really sad here o-o
Success isn't the result of spontaneous combustion.
