i won't be saved

despite all of my efforts, i had gotten nowhere with anything. in the past few weeks the most i've accomplished is losing an unhealthy amount of weight, and staying up late rocking myself back and forth as fear comes creeping in like an old friend, settling itself in the back of my mind. when i did catch a few hours of sleep, my dreams were haunted by a mare who wore my mother's face, a skin walker that danced through my nightmares with a wicked grin and had a silver tongue that broke me down into a million pieces. this beast told me lies, lies that i would begin to believe, creating scenarios i thought were true. i would wake up soaked in sweat, tears running down my cheeks and sometimes in the night i would bite and kick at myself, causing bruises, scrapes and bites. sameira would often bring me dead animals for me to eat, but i would push them aside and instead she would bring me moss soaked with water, or she would force me to get up by summoning fireballs to hit my quarters. my legs were weak, taking me short distances before giving way.

tonight the skin walker with the rotting flesh walks through my dreams, a cheshire grin painted upon the bay face of my dam. the face i wish i had forgotten, but cannot forget. this face, this faint memory of my dam seems to grow, spreading like shadows in the darkness, like a disease among children it plagues my mind with horrific images. i see sikeax, teetering on the edge of the heart, the fires reaching up hungrily, eager for her to drop. the stone beneath her grey hooves crumbles and her champagne body rolls down, bashing into rock, a blood curdling scream ringing out, her face marked with the impending doom. with maw gaping and eyes wide, the magma welcomes her pale bodice with pleasure, leaving no trace of her behind. i watch her face turn from horror to pain in mere seconds as she sinks into the boiling hot substance, my heart and stomach sinking at this vision.

it fades away, the skin walker's voice haunting me, a ghastly whisper that lingers all around me. "its so fun to see witches burn," she coos, eyes of amber glistening with a putrid, sickly joy as i spot seele but a few feet away, her neck impaled with a large metal nail, her legs bound to a stake, the skin where the rope wraps around her limbs is rubbed raw, blood dripping to the ground. there are tears running from her clouded yellow eyes, pain painted upon her face as blood spills from her wounds. her dark ebony body is covered in a slick, shiny liquid that pools at her hooves. the skin walker chants something in latin, the puddle beneath the necromancer sparking, instantaneously catching fire. the flames consume seele's body in a matter of seconds, spreading to every inch of her while she screams, her skin and tissue melting away, the smell of flesh reaching my nostrils. i cough and sputter, trying to run towards seele, but some invisible force prevents me from doing so, keeping me where i am. i begin to weep, the tears falling from my eyes as it all falls away, my eyes opening wide, body trembling and sweat slipping from my skin. i jump up immediately, alerting sameira who had been sleeping beside me. "what is it?" she asks, looking at me with confusion drifting from her form. sia, is all that i tell her before lunging forward into a swift gallop, hooves pounding into the earth with such force i can feel the earth sinking beneath my hooves. "too late!" sameira scoffs before curling back up in our little space we had been staying for the past few weeks, a little spot tucked away in the falls.

i flew as fast as i could, despite the fact that the moon was only just beginning to kiss the darkened sky, i needed to see sikeax now. i had to make sure she was okay, for the last time i saw her she was in horrible condition. "like how you look now?" my ears fall back at the sound of the skin walker's voice, a deep, grizzly voice that seemed almost impossible for a mare to conjure up. leave me alone, i spit, flying faster. the presence of the walker fades back, and i push myself forward, desperate to reach the throat and search for sikeax.

by the time i get there the sun is just below the horizon, awaiting its time to rise up into the sky, while the moon falls back. colours are beginning to dance along the darkened sky, stars beginning their retreat into the shadows as the orange rays of the sun sweep through. it was just barely dawn, the darkness still lingering for a few more hours in this strange time of in between. i hover over the throat, looking down with my eyes wide as i search for that familiar champagne body. "SIKEAX!!" i scream, my body rattling as i shout her name. i swoop down, closer to the ground, my amber eyes sweeping over my surroundings. it's barren, except where there is an oasis, palms rising up from the ground, flora bordering the water source. i'm still a little ways from this oasis, flying desperately, opening my lips again to call her name. "SIKEAX!" gods she better be alive, she better be safe. "but wouldn't it be a shame if she wasn't?" i lay back my ears, lip curling as i hear the familiar tinge of hatred in my head. shut up— taking in another deep breath, i let out a loud bellow. "SIKEAX!!" my body is sore and i don't think i can go on anymore, my shoulders aching and eyelids drooping. i close my eyes for a moment, descending towards the center of the oasis. i shake my head, realizing it is far too late as i go hurtling towards the waters, horrified as i plunge into the cool waters of the lake. my body is tossed around from the collision, my chest and stomach aching from impact. i push myself to the surface, my head bobbing to the top as i struggle to the shore, cursing myself for my poor swimming abilities.

i drag myself to shore, tired and hurt. a few of the scabs from my night terrors have blown off, leaving me with blood dripping from several areas, and one burn that sameira had left upon my rump burns. i shake myself, opening my wings and shaking them. shuffling forward a few feet i collapse into the shadow of a palm tree, closing my eyes as my chest heaves, lungs grasping for air as i swallowed some water while i was struggling to the surface. my throat is sore from screaming, and i feel quite like shit.

sikeax! • clumsy mara is clumsy & rambley cx