The look on his when she rejected his offer of comfort was disheartening. She hated that she was the one that had put that look on his face. It was natural instinct, the desire not to be hurt again, that had made draw back from the king. She liked him well enough, could think of him as a friend if she would allow herself, but friends disappeared. Lovers disappeared. Children disappeared. Time and again she had thought she'd found a friend only to be proven wrong, abandoned, and left alone again. It was the instinct to protect herself that had become so very strong. Above their heads Tallis chirped sadly and swooped down to settle himself on the king's back.

As Kaj began to speak her ears tilted forward and she listened, but when he referenced her past her ears fell back against her head. "I never said that you did not love her." Eva defended herself, and it was true. Not once had she said that the king did not love the queen, and she had only told him not to lead her one because she found that most stallions were dense when it came to matters of the heart. Stallions often hurt mares and didn't even realize what they had done and she was only trying to help Kaj avoid that with Kahlua.

"You can..." Evangeline agreed when Kaj said that he could fall in love with Kahlua. "Are you going to force yourself to?" She stood there, staring at the king who seemed unable to meet her eyes. "You don't want her to feel shackled by her love for you. How do you think she would feel if she found out that you had to force yourself to fall in love with her?" Honestly Eva thought that finding out that someone had to force themselves to fall in love with you would hurt immensely. If it were her she would question what it was about herself that wasn't good enough.

"I apologize for my friendly advances. You will not face them again. It was wrong of me, to press them upon you when we are not close enough. In my old home touch was essential. I should know by now that it is not such here."

"No... I apologize. I am very sorry." The orange mare whispered. She knew the minute she had rejected Kaj's offer of comfort that she had been wrong and the nail had been driven home when she'd seen the look on his face. "I need you to understand something... why I am the way that I am." She sighed as she thought back to her childhood. "I was barely weaned when my mother abandoned me and I never knew who my father was. I tried to make friends with the other foals my age, but I was too different. I didn't have a mom or a dad... I lived most of my life alone, hiding in a forest that was much, much different than anything here in Helovia. I... I met a stallion one day when I was running away from something. He adopted me after he convinced me that he wouldn't hurt me, that I could trust him. Was was common in my home. There were three stallions, the originals, who had sons. Very powerful sons... They destroyed my home. There was some ... some kind of power that knocked everyone out. When I woke up Ciryas was gone and I was alone again." She couldn't even remember how long she had spent scouring Isilme for him, the only father figure she'd ever had.

"I spent a great deal of time searching for him but I never found him. I did find a pit filled with... with bodies. Some of them weren't even dead yet. I saw a stallion put a mare out of her misery. I wanted to save them all and that put me on the path to heal. I joined a herd in the land that I had been hiding in for so long, but the gods did not choose me as a healer. They chose Ruske and I tried to learn everything I could from him. I did eventually become leader with my closest friend, Roanne. We worked together until he let his infatuation with a mare who sought to destroy everything we had worked for rip us apart. No matter how I tried to show him he refused to see and so I ended up losing my best friend. At that point he was one of my only friends. When I was stolen from my home Ruske rescued me... countless times." A ghost of a smile flickered across her face as she thought of the gruff stallion. He had been the only constant in her life for a long time. He was the only one that came back after he disappeared.

"I fell for the stallion that stole me... Validino was his name. Eventually Isilme was ripped apart by war and Validino and I were separated but we were reunited here in Helovia. Together we had a set of twins, Cyrus and Aylin. Then another set of twins, Aswane and Malina. I lost one of my good friends because one of my children was unicorn. Malina was very weak and so we left Helovia. My other twins wanted to stay and I allowed them." She shouldn't have. She should have made them come with her, but she hadn't and it was her fault that she had lost touch with them completely. "Validino left me." Her voice fell flat and tears once again gathered in her eyes. "I woke up and he was gone and he had taken my daughter with him and I was all alone again. So I came back here to try and start over again..."

Evangeline cleared her throat and frowned again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to talk for so long." But he would understand, wouldn't he? 'No.' Tallis interjected, his head tilting as he gazed at his bonded from the king's back. "Everyone in my life has a history of leaving me behind." She clarified. "I've let myself love too many and every time they leave they rip my heart out and I'm tired of being hurt. Its easier for me to keep my distance. I can't... " She couldn't love him. She couldn't love Kahlua. She couldn't love anyone other than Tallis. She wanted to love them all, she wanted to call them her family and believe that none of them would ever hurt her the way she had been hurt before but history always seemed to repeat itself.

Her ears tilted forward at his next words and she sighed quietly. "Maybe there is someone out there for you. You just haven't met them yet." It was hard to be positive after dredging up bitter memories that were better left forgotten, but she had wanted him to know it wasn't him she was rejecting. It was the notion that she would end up hurt again. "You deserve to be happy, too, Kaj."

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uhm ... yeah ... don't feel like you have to match that because it'll probably never happen again xD


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