Head to head it's all or nothing.

It was nearly instantaneous after Archibald set his defenses when the mare struck. She bunched her muscles and surged forward, and Archibald drifted to his right, golden eyes scrutinizing as she bared her teeth and aimed for him. Archibald surged forward as well, his powerful hind legs propelling him forward with as much speed as they could muster. He hoped to land parallel to Cheveyo, her on his left side and him on her's. Grunting shortly, Archibald swung his neck around quickly, his ears still pinned into his neck, and he opened his jaws in an attempt to land a thrashing, stabbing bite to the mare's withers. He felt a pinch as Cheveyo's own teeth found purchase on his black hide. The bite was not too dangerous, drawing no blood, but a bruise would manifest under his dark hair and the small area just behind the point of his left elbow, on his girth area. Archibald gritted his teeth, the quick pain washing over his frame quickly before dissipating into the dry, arid atmosphere. Turning on his forehand, Archibald swung his hips far out to his right, away from Cheveyo, leaving her hooves to thrash nothing but the air particles separating them. The ground was hard and compact, easy for the Dauntless to maneuver. Archibald again surged forward, hoping to stand perpendicular, facing her barrel. In his charge the Captain brought his knees up high, hoping to push the mare over and demolish her sense of balance by crashing into her barrel and ribcage. She began moving backwards, and Archibald smirked some. She looked as if she were scrambling, frantic to get away from his hold. Perhaps the mare knew his battle style. Had she been watching the day he fought brutally for his spot as Captain? The Dauntless did not know, for he only focused on his prize, his title, that day.

As the massive black monster pushed forward, hoping to knock the mare back, he let out three lightning bites, all focused to hit on the top of her back, where a dorsal stripe may lay had she inherited a dun gene. He did not intend for any bite to draw blood, to rip skin from muscle, but merely to inflict some sort of surface level pain. Archibald needed to keep her in close contact to overpower her, to have the upper hand by his strength and size. If the warrior dancing with him now were to stray away from his grasp she could easily overtake him in her upper-handed speed. Locket had done this, the arabian stallion, dancing in and out and leaving blows upon his hide. The tactic worked, but Archibald wanted to see what this mare could do when overpowered. Would fear enter her eyes, today? She was small, so small, compared to him, and the warlord needed to use that now. He did not wish to demolish this woman, to leave her as a ruined pile of muscle and blood, for she was his warrior, and he needed her to be well and strong. But, he did need to test her. Helovia was rampant with behemoths of height, some nearly reaching the Dauntless himself, and Cheveyo needed to be able to handle them with her small stature. After all, she had no horn to stab, and no wings to reach heights far above his own, but she was not disadvantaged. He knew she was not, and this was his time to truly see so.

Already the tension that built underneath the Dauntless' skin was starting to cause sweat. His dark coat damped in crevices, his body warm under the raging sun, and the dust that his steel-clad hooves kicked up around them clung to his body relentlessly. Before the spar was over, Archibald would be painted in hues of brown over his black and grey. Dirt clung to his massively feathered hooves, dirtying their virgin appearance. There was thankfulness in the Dauntless, however, for this environment. He had fought in the muddy hillsides of the Windtossed Foothills far too many times to wish to do it again, as well as in the rain and snow. His hooves found unbreakable purchase on the hard packed earth of the World's Edge, and Archibald held it so in high esteem.

Loretta, commanded aside by her master, growled and snarled, jumping out of the way of the dancing beasts. Her heart pounded, feeling the pain of Archibald's bite, but also for the anger that surged through her. She had not been forced to stay aside since she were but a pup, helpless by Archibald's side, and this infuriated her. She was a warhammer and Archibald needed her, and she would let him know it by pushing her fury into his mind. Archibald grunted, attempting to silence her itch.




[WC: 800 | PC: 1/3 ]

Teaching:- “My weight shifted…I leapt forward towards the stallion..” :: Make sure you apply direction, here. You say forward, but not left or right. This especially comes in to play when you actually attack Archibald. You write that you are attempted to bite and kick him, and that you hope it lands on his shoulder, chest, and thighs, but not on which side of his body (also, you write “thighs” when it should just be “thigh”, she cannot attack both sides of his body at the same time without some sort of magic). This is extremely important for the judge to be able to visualize the battle and also to add realism. Even more important than the judge needing these directional clues, your opponent needs them. This leaves your opponent with determining where you’ve attacked, which is not and cannot be their responsibility. The opponent’s responsibility is to respond to your attacks, not try and put you into a box; but, when you leave out directional language, you now give them this crown.
- “…yellow painted hooves, that weren’t holding on onto the dry crust of Earth…I flailed out…” :: Which hooves? Rear or fore? You have to be very specific when writing battle posts, when it comes to direction, attacks, defenses, anatomy, etc. Again, like with directional language, you cannot leave the determination up to your opponent on how you’re attacking. It should be” “This is my exact attack, this is where I want it to land, this is what I want it to do, and this is why I did it”. When you follow that line of thought it makes it easier for your opponent and judge to interpret your attack, respond to it, and also to connect with your character. When writing spar posts, it seems trivial, but you really need to focus on how other people read your posts. In regular threads this does not matter as much, because you just write, but battling has almost a mechanic sort of structure to it, and these posts need to be able to be read simply, but also filled with eloquence. You can be eloquent when describing breed differences, the environment, or memories or historical reasons and determinations for current attacks, but try to write as simply and as solidly as possible when writing directions, attacks, defenses, and the like.
- Another thing to keep in mind is the reasoning behind Cheveyo’s attacks. Why does Cheveyo attack the way she does? It is because Archibald has weakness in those areas? Is it because that was her experience as a warhorse? Should her experience bring her more offensive of defensive tactics—after all, she had a rider once to look after! She is also written as being experienced in battle, so you should keep in mind her abilities in analyzing her opponents: what are her strengths over Archibald’s and how should she utilize them? What estimations can she make about Archibald’s battle tactics based on his appearance versus hers? Etc.
- A final note, and this is just a thing I think you should think about eliminating from your battle posts, is that you should use the word count to your advantage. What I mean by this is, instead of filling in your word count with a recollection and copy/paste of what Archibald said in my posts, use the limited amount of words towards Cheveyo. Describe her emotions well, the surroundings, hindrances and strengths, etc.! You only have 800 words, and I believe you should use all of them, if not darn near close, and you should use them only for your advantage.

+ “All of my power wasn't placed into the first attack as I knew I would need to save any and all strength I had if I were going to make it out of this meeting alive.” :: I love this statement! This is showing Cheveyo’s experience as a warrior, but I think you could expound upon it. Why does Cheveyo need to conserve her energy? Is it because she is going to use her agility advantage to dance around Archi and she does not want to tire herself out quickly? Is it because the environment is so hot? What historical moment can she recall upon to have this make more sense? Using memories and reasoning helps the judge connect to your character and empathize with them through the battle, which gives you more points in the rubric in emotion, etc.
+ Overall, I would stress to amplify specific language, emotions, the environment and her history into each of your posts.