Head to head it's all or nothing.

Archibald was successful in overtaking the mare. His size dominated her, covered her in his immensity, and moved her. The thud of his knees pressing her to the side was pleasing, in the most raw way a warrior can feel pleasure. Through success. His bite to her withers left nothing, but his three bites to her spine landed excellently. There was no expression on his stoney face that gave any impression of his feelings, no smirk that was a familiar sight on his lips in the most sadistic of times. No, Archibald was merely a machine in this battle. He needed to test her completely, for as a commander Archibald would not have weakness in his army. The times of peace that the World's Edge called for were only temporary, and the Dauntless knew that, and he needed strength to protect his borders or to send out to protect other borders. This mare was beginning to prove her strength to him, even as her lips peeled apart and a scream of pain shifted into the air around them.

Quickly, and without warning, the mare was moving again. Archibald's golden eyes followed her, his body turning some, his right shoulder pressed towards Cheveyo now. Lightning painted hooves struck out towards Archibald and he braced himself with his hind legs, grunting as he thrust his massive head into the air to protect his jaw and skull. Any damage to a horse's mouth could be fatal, for it would deny them food, and Archibald would never let that happen to him. In his bracing and quick upward thrusting, his front end popped up a little, his steel-clad forehooves leaving the hard packed earth for a mere second. Cheveyo's kick was a whisper of her true power, grazing against Archibald's breast. The beast's ears were still pinned into his mane and a small tremble of pain shivered down his muscles. The wound was little, a surface kiss at best, but the impact, Archibald knew, could have been a great deal worse. She was a compact mare, her muscles thick despite her lack of draft-type blood, and her hind legs had the kicking force to critically damage an enemy.

Another grunt left the Dauntless' mouth as his front legs hit the hard, dry earth again. He jumped forward into a fast canter, trying to speed after the fleeing mare. The pull of his chest muscles stung from the remnants of her kick, but Archibald continued on despite the tickle of pain. His eyes searched her, his mechanical, warrior mind trying to determine her next move. He settled on it, and he was pleased with his decision. Archibald slid to a stop, the pull of the sudden cease of movement throwing his weight backwards skillfully. His back legs bent some, holding his massive weight in a controlled manner. His front end lifted off the ground again, a low rear his new position, just as Cheveyo turned to face him once more. Dirty, feathered forehooves struck out towards the mare's splashed chest, hoping to smack her with a powerful blow to either her chest, or if she turned in a panic, her shoulder. The kingly stallion's thick neck arched some, his golden eyes focused in on her well. He seemed to be looking through her, of sorts, in this moment seeing her as only his spar partner, and not the herdmate she was, but that was not right.

End her! Display your power and dominance! You are the Dauntless! Loretta screamed, a shrill and dark scream in the back of the dark knight's mind. He snorted, gravity pulling him out of his rear. The man ignored his bitch's desires, for she knew not the difference between real battle and sparring. Pressing forward again, Archibald's thick neck uncoiled and his head shot out towards Cheveyo, attempting to land a bite on the right side of her face. The cheek would do well, a carefully placed injury as to not do too much damage in the long-run of life. Feathered hooves gave the Captain momentum again, pushing him forward, closer to Cheveyo. He knew that if he stayed closer to her her kicks would cause less damage to him, and he could continue to dominate her in the area of strength. He could feel the slick of wet foam begin to creep in the crevices of his body, with the Tallsun heat bearing down on him. His breathing was heavy, but Archibald had more to give, more to show, more to test this mare before him now.




[WC: 758 | PC: 2/3 ]

___________
Teaching:
- She ignored his bite to the withers completely. He goes parallel to bite at her withers before he goes perpendicular to push her and bite her spine. This is really frustrating for opponents and judges, and can cost you points on the rubric. If an attack misses, write out why it misses your character (as long as you stay clear of powerplay) rather than simply ignoring it. To help with this, as you are reading your opponents post, write down all of their attacks. Then, when you are writing your post, make sure you incorporate each attack, whether it hits or not, and the damage taken thereof.
- Be sure to write about your environment. How does it help your character, hinder them, etc? Environment is important, especially in situations where you are apt to take damage from the poor surroundings you are fighting in.
- Previous spar experience added to history experience
- "Panic" -- You use emotion words, but do very little description of the emotion. Part of your job as a writer is to pull in your audience. Describe how Cheveyo is feeling--and remember, emotions can cause physical outcomes as well. Body language--especially with horses--is a really big deal, and should be incorporated into your writing well.
- "feel an emptiness at going into battle without her rider on her back" -- I have not been able to see this thus far, which is a little saddening. From this perspective, I interpret that Cheveyo is a very emotional creature with a lot of sentimental weight on her shoulders. Incorporate this into your writing, especially since you have a lot of wiggle room for word usage.
- You mention Archi is larger than her, but not how she can use that to her advantage, or her disadvantages.
- She squeals in pain but that is really the only mention you give of her injuries. How do they affect her? Keep in mind Archibald's dice roll plus his damage stat.
- She tries to push back against Archi, but realizes it is a bad idea...but you never mention if she stops bracing. You have a lot more words to use, so remember to use them. Battle is a good balance of action and thought, each sparking the other, so what should this realization have sparked regarding her actions?
- "...side forcing my painted frame to the side rather than backwards" Which side? Where? Be sure to use explicit directional language!

+ "...was a lesson I learned many years ago when the brown boy had began training me, if I fought against him it was more of a chance that I would hurt myself rather than going along with what he wanted" -- Good history reference, but I think this can be expound upon. Does she have any emotions tied towards this? Is there any type of pang or the like when she remembers her allen warrior? Do not get me wrong--I am not trying to write your character for you, we just need to see more emotion!
+ Overall, I would stress to amplify specific language, emotions, the environment and her history into each of your posts.