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C i n e v i a m | F a e l e n e
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By my verdict Cineviam is the winner.
CINEVIAM -- post 1 (attack only)
[Realism]
+ 1|Attack: The angle at which he came at her with the sun behind him obscuring her view was very creative and clever. Careful though, because she said at the beginning it was stated that the sun was westward, which would have made you coming from the west and her from the east. This rotates your fight 90 degrees but does not damage the integrity of the positioning, in this case.
+ 1|Attack: The buck was well written and clear.
[Prose]
+ 1| Very well written and clear.
+ 1| Good flow.
- 1| Be careful with emotion, your post got a bit technical as soon as the fighting started, which is where it’s both hardest and most important to maintain that balance of character and clarity.
FAELENE -- post 1
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: It’s good that she covered her front and neck expecting that attack, and realistic that with the sun in her eyes she wouldn’t be able to see well enough to figure out where he was really going for.
+ 1| Defense: Given her current state, it made sense that she took the buck, and the pushing of her body was clearly written.
+1 Attack: Your attack is clear in its definition and position, and leaves it very open to the next person as to whether or not it will land, which is great. It’s also a running attack, which is good because of her build and thus likely to catch him off guard.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy to read.
+ 1| Good flow.
- 1| Be careful not to get too technical. Don’t sacrifice clarity for emotion of vice versa, you have to balance them.
CINEVIAM -- post 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: His defense was realistic, given that she is fast and likely to catch him off guard so he didn’t have time to do much.
+ 1| Injury: Good job noting the injury and how it affected her.
+ 1| Attack: It took me a bit to understand this attack, but once I did it was a very good one, and creative as well. The rear was well executed.
+ 1| Attack: Bite attack made sense and was clearly written.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy to read.
+ 1| Good flow.
+ 1| Vast improvement in emotion here; I love his satisfaction and yet his shock when he gets hit. Still, careful at the end, you get a bit factual and technical. Overall though the good outweighed the bad.
FAELENE -- post 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Good job taking the injury without it crippling her completely.
+ 1| Injury: Good job taking the kicks to the cannon and then having that weaken her as she falls, and then the mention of the weakness in the attack.
+1 Attack: Given her current position and condition the attack is realistic.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy to read.
+ 1| Good Flow
- 1| This post was very technical and a bit dry when it came to emotion.
CINEVIAM -- post 3
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: It was smart of you to take the hooves where you did, and given his comparative strength it made sense for him to go under her.
+ 1| Attack: I found your attack to be incredibly creative and a good idea given her position in relation to his. The unbalancing was a wise move.
+ 1| Attack: You did well by remembering that she wasn’t there for him to kill but to spar and teach as a herdmate by not gouging her with the horn, and Cineviam’s recognition of that was nice to see. And, very importantly, you specified direction of the horn attack.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy to read.
+ 1| Good Flow
- 1| Emotion fell to the backburner here- you spent perhaps too much time describing her injury as well. Leave that up to her, she’s the one that’s feeling it.
FAELENE -- post 3
[Realism]
+1| Defense: There wasn’t really much she could do or any way she could have seen it coming and you didn’t try to twist it so there was, which was very realistic.
-1|There was barely any mention of the horn stab here, though- make sure you give enough information.
- 1| Attack: There was a lack of description in this attack that left me confused and in the end would harm you by leaving the attack so open to interpretation by Cineviam. Did she kick with both hooves, was the buck fully extended, where did it aim for, etc., are all important things to note.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy to read.
+ 1| Good Flow
- 1| there was some emotion in the beginning but not enough to make up for the rest; it’s very important that you make sure you maintain the character and not just a list of physical reactions.
CINEVIAM -- post 4 (defense only)
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: While you made it make sense and sold me on it, you did not necessarily have to take this injury.
CINEVIAM
[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed Reference in first post about his larger build.
+ 1| Great use of surroundings
[Injuries]
[Creativity]
+ 1| The attack from underneath Faelene
+ 1| The first idea of the sun behind you was brilliant.
Comments: Overall this was a great fight for you- I think you need to watch your level of emotion but you’re getting there. Your prose is excellently written and very clear, just make sure you always mention where attacks are coming from. You also had an issue of taking a bit more injury than you needed to- it might make for good drama but it won’t earn you extra points. Don’t forget that you can dodge!
FAELENE
[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed Reference in first post- while her breed is not specified you clearly defined that her build would lend her more to speed than power, which was good.
+ 1| Health Bonus: Walking out of the fight less injured.
[Injuries]
[Creativity]
+ 1| Very creative inhaling the ash.
Comments: This was a very good fight, and I think you two were a fairly even match. You should also be careful of emotion, your posts came across as very factual sometimes. You should also make sure you are very descriptive in regards to your attacks, especially towards the end they didn’t have enough information to reply accurately based off of. And I’ll give you the same advice I gave Taurus about injuries- don’t take them when you don’t need to, and remember that dodging, while it shouldn’t be overused, is definitely an option.
TOTAL
Cineviam - 68
Faelene - 57
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{JUDGE ME}swing, swing [Cineviam/Spar]
