GHOST
Realism [+3.5]
:: A smile crept onto her features as she trotted to his right then suddenly dived left, picking up the pace into a fast canter whilst bearing her horn towards his barrel. I gave some leeway with this since you weren't necessarily being super strong about 'yes I am aiming towards his left side', but just keep in mind you can’t really say with any great certainty that Ghost’s horn is pointed at Argen’s side. He could, and probably will, move. (After reading his post, he did indeed, move).
:: You did well in comparing the two fighters- it was very organic in the writing, not distracting or forced
:: Considering the dynamics of the fight and that both characters were running in opposite directions, I would have liked a little more clarification in your third post on Ghost’s attack. I think that you probably imagined there was a period of time between Ghost taking flight, and then turning to hover over Argen, but the way it was written made me feel like it was a sudden move, and I don’t think she would have been able to turn so quickly.
:: Good job using the scenery throughout, especially when Ghost used the shadows and trees to hide herself.
:: You did a good job translating dice rolls to damage, and keeping the injuries in mind throughout the battle.


Emotion [+1.5]
:: Ghost herself shines through in your writing, but after the first post I don’t have much of a sense of why she’s fighting. I wish that would have been worked in more.
:: She wanted revenge on that mini fireball, but she shied away from facing it again, how cowardly the Cadaverous could be, or afraid. This was excellent- well done! Really, all throughout, your musings on Ghosts’ weaknesses were fantastic.


Prose [+2]
:: The not knowing made it frustrating and hard to concentrate as her mind tried to go through several different options her adversary could take, it was only after picking out what she thought would be her best move that her pace changed. There were a couple sentences like this where I think a period or semicolon might have been more effective at maintaining flow.
:: There had been a time when Ghost was willing to bargain to have her wings removed now, however, they were cherished and well looked after. Another example where a sentence break would have been more effective.
:: copying the dragons earlier movements Dragon’s


Readability [+3]
:: No comments or concerns

Finally tally: 38.5+(10*2)= 58.5HP


ARGEN
Realism [+0]
:: I really don’t get a sense that you took enough damage in your first post. Ghost rolled a critical hit- a “not too deep” cut to his side and being smacked by her wing just isn’t enough in my opinion. This should be damage that is seriously affecting Argen in this fight.
:: Argen’s reactions to Ghost didn’t make a lot of sense to me either. Ghost was running towards him with her horn lowered, presumably towards his chest based on how you had their positions noted. Why would Argen jump towards her horn? If it was due to inexperience, or making some training he had learned, I would have loved to seen that noted in the writing. It really would have make the experience more real for me.
:: Solomon, quick like lightning, swooped towards the black mare's head. Tried to swoop towards her head.
:: You did better with damage in your second post, but I think that having Ghost’s horn scrape along his neck (at least superficially) would have really been the icing on the cake for me there. Especially since you had just mentioned that she had hit his hind end pretty solidly but didn’t make any mention of it affecting Argen as he ran after Ghost.
:: ’Argen!’ He screamed across their bond, dipping his wings to descend towards his equine partner. You mentioned in your OOC comments that Argen was about 5 months at this time. Companions don’t gain speech until 6 months, so he shouldn’t be speaking.
:: I never really noticed you making use of the injuries Argen had received, other than in a very cursory manner. They really should have been affecting him.


Emotion [+1]
:: All the world seemed to fade away in just a moment, as he soaked in his victory. A stupid, boyish smile ripped across his face and he tossed his head some, despite the pain it caused to trickle the length of his body. I liked this a lot! It is nice to see him fall prey to her trick.
:: The emotion at the end, with Solomon protecting Argen, was great- I wish I would have seen more of this throughout the fight. There were a lot of moments where the fight got very technical.


Prose [+2]
:: Lightning yellow eyes observed Ghost, matching his bondmates, Bondmate’s
:: The stallion sucked in a sharp breath of pai, Pain
:: he turned his eyes to the sky to watch as Solomon, his young bronze, swoop in to do his duty Swooped
:: her wings would propell her Propel
:: Heat instantly swarmed the area were her hooves smacked Where
:: Perhaps now, that they were finished with their dance of blood, she would speak with him. Just a little awkwardly placed comma.
:: in the pit of the reptiles stomach, reptile’s


Readability [+3]
:: No comments or concerns

Finally tally: 30.5+(6*2)= 42.5HP