Vaguely, I noticed another presence lurking within the shadows of the Steppes, but I paid it little mind for another gale had begun to breeze in around me. I wasn’t sure if this was yet another figurative storm or if this was the real thing- either way, my heart began to pound in time to an inner clock that seemed to signal the onslaught of danger, though I couldn’t pinpoint what kind of danger. I was frightful and yet I could not move from the frozen wasteland for I was trapped by my own fear and anxiety. It tugged at my legs and rooted them to icy grounds with vigor in spite of my rising need to flee... Whatever was coming was something that I had to endure, if only because I truly had no will power to resist my own curiosities.
As the winds crossed the land with their masks and their nonchalant laughter, I did not stop them from grazing my spine, my neck, or my face. They ran their slender, delicate fingers through my mane in such a way that I was tempted to close my eyes and delight in their caress- until the vagabond breeze fled and left only a singular stroke upon my spine. It moved slowly along my skin, leaving dread and pure terror in its wake as a strangled scream mounted in my throat, unable to be released. The silence that pervaded the Steppe only served to pervade my mind as well as I fell still and unresisting to the supernatural forces that begged and smoothed over my hide.
As if in an alternate reality, I now looked upon myself as I stood rigid to the storm’s bidding. My legs were taut, though slightly bowed beneath the tension of an invisible sin. I could see my lips parting, hoping to release the fear and dread and hopeless song of one who has come to find out he is damned. However, no sound ever found its way to the open air because the strength of the returning winds had pressed in upon me with such force that it robbed me not only of my strength but of my breath as well. I watched as the tears began to well up in my eyes from the pain and the weight of the storm bearing down upon me. My mane had been lifted from my neck as if the elements wanted to rip me from the ground, but I was unmoving as it bored down upon my back forcing me into a stalemate with myself. I was locked in place, unmoving, unbreathing, and furthermore unhoping for redemption.
Cold shivers of icy pain lanced across my skin as the storm grew stronger, more intense… Yet still, I could not, or perhaps would not, test its inherent power. Even as I watched, or perhaps only imagined myself a merciful bystander to what appeared to be my death, I could only feel the haziness of what felt like unconsciousness edging into my outer thoughts. However, I felt awakened, as though I had known sleep for days and could not bring myself to close my eyes another moment. Everything commenced to spinning ruthlessly inside my head as I was brought once more into myself, back into the suffering of my mortal body. My memories shook and danced with the chaos as I struggled to think of anything other than the winds ripping at the very seams of my existence. As the storm persisted, snow and ice and dirt lifted up and spun around me before hurling itself as a dagger into my body. Finally, a shuttering cry escaped from my throat, though it was strangled and broken apart by the raging of the wind.
No one would hear me now.
Relentless, the storm raged on and though I could not see the clarity of the skies or the innocence of the Steppe, I knew that this torture had been meant for me alone. My heart seemed to constrict mindlessly, intent on giving up beneath the weight of the pain and the endless torrent of suffering. But, just when I thought that I might fall to my knees and release my soul to the devils that awaited me beyond the ether of life, a single spirited breeze brought relief. It sailed around me in shivering silence causing my skin to light with a new flame that coursed through my veins and caused me to gasp inwardly from the sheer sensation of it. But… just when I thought I had found respite from my merciless assailant, the storm brewed above once more, again lifting the snow and ice and tender soil in another barrage of insurmountable pain. The tears fell freely now as once again it pressed down upon me, taking my life from me bit by bit. I was resigned to die. This was my punishment for past faults. With that thought, I let the pain overcome me on another defeated cry. |
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