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11-01-2014, 11:20 PM
By my verdict: CANEO is the winner!
CANEO
Realism [+3.5]
Good job remember the scenery. The comparisons between Caneo and Biru were very organic; they did not seem forced or posted just for the points. Great! I do think you could have taken more damage in your second post, considering Biru rolled a 6. However, in your final post I thought that the way you incorporated Caneo tripping into the damage was wonderful!
Emotion [+2]
I’ve never read Caneo before, but I suddenly fell in love. Great job letting me get to know him!
Prose [+4]
Beautiful- well written. The prose was unique, well-edited, and you obviously spent some time making sure it was clean. Thank you!
Readability [+2.5]
Just had to go back and read one thing over again during your second post. Otherwise fine!
Finally tally: 48.5 + (12*2) = 72.5 HP
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BIRU
Realism [+2]
I think the cut Biru got in your first post should have bled. Basically any cut made by a horn would bleed. Also, this statement reads very much like powerplay- So, instead of aiming to poke straight at Caneo’s ass, Biru’s horn is positioned now to poke and scrape at Caneo’s right quarter. Remember to watch out for that. I would have liked to have seen more consideration of the scenery, but good job working in the sword fighter.
Emotion [+1]
The connection between horse and companion was good, but I didn’t necessarily feel engrossed in the emotion.
Prose [+3]
Just noticed one or two errors throughout. Good job editing, maintaining tense and voice, etc.
Readability [+3]
No concerns.
Finally tally: 46 + (9*2) = 64 HP
