ELSA
Realism [+2]
Great introduction with the costume, I really loved it! I would have liked to see it mentioned a bit more in the second post as well. You also had great scenery all throughout, although I’m not sure that just your front feet would have gotten stuck in the mud if you were running at that speed - you probably would have gotten all legs stuck or face planted. I also struggled with the realism for that because a crocodile was supposed to be chasing you, but you didn’t even mention it in your second post. I thought it was unique to have the crocodile attack you in your first post, but I was hoping for more detail, it felt a bit rushed - however I really enjoyed the use of your ice magic, a clever idea! I enjoyed seeing you continually mention the stifle attack you received. You took appropriate damage in your second post for the damage rolled, however I’m not sure how Caneo bit your right shoulder when he said he attacked her left side. Similarly your last defense was very undetailed and didn’t seem realistic - you didn’t say what happened with his horn attack and you only back up and rear which doesn’t seem enough to cause him to miss. perhaps if you had described it more as she quickly adjust last minute, but even then he probably wouldn’t go from her rear legs to her front. Otherwise he could easily re-aim while he’s moving.


Emotion [+1]
I felt a little bit of emotion, like Elsa being annoyed at everyone running so choosing to hide her face, and being frustrated that her attacks didn’t do more damage then laughing at him when the crocodile mauled him, but it all felt like I was being told rather than shown and none of it ever went more than an surface mention here and there. I was hoping to understand more of Elsa’s thoughts and feelings.


Prose [+2]
Some of your writing is very pretty and connects well, but these posts felt rushed and your transitions were often choppy.



Readability [+1.5]
Although pretty easy to read you didn’t mention which side you came at Caneo in your first post.

Post 2:
“She has practiced way to much to loose to a rotten banana!” (too much, lose)


Finally tally: 49+(6.5*2)= 62 HP


CANEO
Realism [+2.5]
I was laughing the entire time imagining Caneo in a felt banana suit, and I really liked seeing it both help you stay a bit warm, and block your view of the crocodile. I would have liked some mention of the crocodile in your first post, even saying that he didn’t notice it, because otherwise it seemed as if you dismissed it. You responded well to its attack, however I didn’t see any effect from the terrain - you did mention scenery, like the rain and some of the swampy smell and the dry ground, however it was always limited and never seemed to impact you much. Otherwise all your attacks, defenses, breed references, and timing were all spot on.


Emotion [+2]
I felt a decent amount of emotion from Caneo, especially with the motives behind his attacks, however I was hoping to see more of his personality shine through to bump this score higher.


Prose [+4]
Your writing continues to be absolutely beautiful and flows together so nicely, it’s really enjoyable to read.


Readability [+1.5]
Although pretty easy to read you didn’t mention which side you were attacking Elsa in your second post.

Post 2:
“hopes to come up on girl's side. “ (the girl’s)


Finally tally: 43+(10*2)= 63 HP