OXY (because he attacked first)
Realism [+3]
Thranduil rolled a 1 against Oxy, but in your post 2/4, I did not see you take any damage? Was there a scratch? You didn’t include a summary, so I couldn’t double check. Otherwise, the realism with Oxy’s battle was excellent. You included the footing very well, especially in comparison to his size. I would have liked to have seen more height/weight comparison from Oxy with regards to his thoughts on Thranduil, but otherwise, I was impressed.

Emotion [+2]
For a brick wall of a character, Oxy can certainly be emotional. I enjoyed how you quickly turned his fear into anger and how he was so easily riled and took offense to the mention of Elsa (I assume?). I like that the emotion felt very serious and real, consistently. Even when he realized he was being over-reactive, the protective anger was still in the background. Everything flowed from one post to the next and there were not sharp jumps from emotion to emotion, and I think that is what made it so palpable.

Prose [+4]
“Your can feel the hate in your very bones”
A few issues here and there, but overall very clearly written. I rarely had to double check what you were writing.


Readability [+2.5]
Very easy to read!

Finally tally: 30.5 + (11.5*2) = 53.5 HP


THRANDUIL
Realism [+3.5]
I get what you are trying to say in your third post about ramming his shoulder into Oxy, but saying the shoulder struck out makes me wonder how the shoulder itself could move independently. I think that was the only time where I ever got “confused” with what you were saying with attacks and defenses. What I was really impressed with was how you actually used your armor in battle as a reason for deflection, but I would also love to read about how it could hinder movement with weight or the attachments!

Emotion [+1.5]
I really liked the emotion I was feeling from Thranduil, but it felt a little disjointed. For example, you spoke quite a bit about his pride and how it was faltering, but then it seemed to vacillate in the rest of your posts. Pride is a really interesting emotion that can be played out very cleverly in battle. However, I could definitely feel what Thranduil was feeling throughout the fight!

Prose [+3]
A few dropped commas here and there, and I felt that in places, the posts were a little disjointed. The flow moving from attack to defense was not as clear in a few places. For example, in your post ¾, you didn’t really write that he had moved or gone somewhere to observe this dying foal, but then Oxy’s attack came, so I had no idea of position.
:: sending chills down his spin. | post ¾

Readability [+2.5]
Very easy read!

Finally tally: 24 + (10.5*2) = 45 HP