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 ranjiri & ryuu so while you're outside looking in, describing what you see remember what you're looking at is me Rumors spread like wildfire, and I found myself smiling quietly to myself at the irony of it all, my Sultan's title not lost on me. But as I stared down at the glimmering stillness of the Oasis waters, the longest of my horns a hair's breadth away from disturbing my own personal mirror, I could not find any real amusement harbored away. A glowing filly, healed by the Lord of the Sun, had appeared at our borders. I felt betrayed, abandoned. Aurelia was a distant memory in my mind, I could hardly remember her name much less her face. Her ties to me had been severed by the wear of time and the early stage at which I had lost her. But I had never allowed myself to forget Faeanne. She is my little sister, my twin. I still remember her happy golden eyes, the way she trailed after that missing hole in my memory as if nothing else could grant her a meaning in her existence. I remember her desperate happiness, like she was fooling herself day after day, forcing herself to be joyful. If she didn't, after all, she would end up like me. A soft snort escaped me, bitter and hateful. Yeah, like me. Broken, useless. A burden upon momma, upon uncle Cera. And to know, even if I truly didn't know as wholly as I wished, that she had been healed merely for traveling to the desert...it was a thousand daggers to my heart. Was I not even worthy of such gratitude and recognition? I had abandoned everything for the chance to live with momma in the Throat. Annie came for the promise of healing. Was my cause not more noble, more sincere? So why had I been overlooked again? I stared down at my reflection, subtly warped but as clear as anything could reflect, the shadows of my face deepened by the gentle moonbeams of the night sky above. I cursed my feminine features, my frail frame and broken hooves. My broken heart. My eyes were supposed to be the windows to my soul, and yet all I could see in them was proof of what an unlovable freak I was. Even the horns upon my brow were physical evidence of my ruined bloodline. My only condolence was that momma, too, had a spiral upon her tiara. Unable to contain the sniffle that broke the tentative silence around me, I thrust away the acidic burn of tears behind my eyes. I didn't deserve to cry. Clearly something was faulted inside of me, if this wounded filly was granted the blessing of full health and I was not. With a wounded cry of despair I thrust my horn into the water and slashed my head to the side in a spray of the cold liquid. Limping out of the water on blissfully numb hooves, I cast a pained look towards the tree where I knew momma was sure to be sleeping with uncle Cera and Ilaria. I knew that my own self-hatred hurt her, that she wanted only for me to love myself, see the beauty that apparently only existed in her eyes. It was a terrible idea, and I was aware of it with an intimacy that I couldn't help but hate. But even so, I took advantage of the temporarily numb state of my broken, damaged hooves. I turned and I ran as fast as my gangly legs could take me, swearing to myself that the tears that slipped thin and quiet down my cheeks were borne of the sting of the wind. I ran until my heart was pounding in my ears, the ends of my mane stinging my neck fiercely and sweat beading on my skin. Until finally, the numbness was gone, and fire was eating up my legs. Even so I continued on, racing until my breaths were gasping, painful things that tore the lining of my lungs with the bitter cold of the air I inhaled. I ran until it felt as if white-hot nails were being pounded into my hooves, until sand was searing into the bloodied cracks. I fell with a cry, shoulder slamming into the unforgiving earth as my legs gave beneath the pain. I curled slowly in onto myself and cried, quiet hiccuping sobs borne of habitual loneliness when I was too young to understand that it wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault! But somehow I had still been the one to continuously be let down. @[Faeanne] maybe? Or anyone else!  |
Please only tag starting posts, spars, and threads collecting dust!
Plot with me here!
