ESSETIA
Realism [+0]
:: The distance between them was quickly closed if only because Essetia had wanted to take a more direct approach. I gave some leeway for you to set everything up, but by this point you need to start wording things less directly. Midas is probably going to want to move at this point- you’re not giving him much options with such direct wording.
:: It didn’t take long to close the small amount of distance she had placed between them and when she did, her neck stretched forward with teeth bared. Same note as before- you can’t say that she for sure closed the distance because Midas could have moved.
:: Your attacks in post 2 aren’t entirely feasible, considering Midas should have been moving away from her at this point.
:: You took a little too much damage in post 3/3. Midas only rolled a 1, which should have amounted to a superficial scratch or a small bruise- something to that effect.
:: Again, in your defense, I think you took a little more damage than you needed to. Falling to the ground and not moving for worry of broken bones would be more akin to a critical hit for me.
:: I would have liked to see more consideration of the environment and how it was affecting her judgement.


Emotion [-1]
:: In your first post I good a good sense of who Essetia was, which was nice, but I didn’t get a great sense of what she hoped to gain out of fighting. I’d like to see more of that.
:: Your second post was almost entirely technical, describing what was going on with the fight. Don’t forget to leave room for emotion- you could have saved some words by not describing her attack on Midas a second time.
:: By your closing post you get that emotion back, but I can’t count that since the closing post is only about your defense/realism.


Prose [+2.5]
:: I noticed a few places where you used periods when a comma would have been better.
:: She was no longer of sense or tact but instead a creature acting out of delirium and powerful emotion. I feel like some words are missing here.


Readability [+1.5]
:: By the end of your post 2, I’ve lost sense of positioning of the two horses and I’m not really sure how they are placed in relation to one another any longer. Regardless, I’m confused about your attacks considering that Midas seemed like he was moving away from her and she would need to give chase.

Finally tally: 38+(3*2)= 44HP


MIDAS
Realism [+3.5]
:: though bits of mare are stuck between my molars and a few stray locks of her mane tickle my tongue. Essetia never said anything about any hairs being pulled out.
:: Good job working in the environment in post 2
:: I like that you noted that Midas has seen people preparing to buck many times before and used that to your advantage.


Emotion [+0]
:: I like how Midas is so quick to enter warrior mode- I think it is really fitting of him, considering his history.
:: That said, by post 2 I’m losing my sense of him and starting to feel like this is a very technical fight.


Prose [+0]
:: I noticed a few places where you used a period when I think a comma would have been more correct.
:: I imagine in my minds eye, Mind’s
:: Unintentional my flesh startles, Unintentionally?
:: The writing in the first post just seems very choppy, this continues throughout the battle.
:: Falls dark sleuth leans away, Fall’s
:: With a visible whence the pain forces me to let go, wince
:: Perspiration (or perhaps its blood) has started to show It’s
:: Moist tegrindrind against her body. teeth grinded?


Readability [+1.5]
:: Trying to understand the series of movements that was occurring in your first post took me quite a while. I’m not ever sure I really got a sense of what he was doing. It seemed rather rushed through.

Finally tally: 49+(5*2)= 59HP