ARAH
Realism [+2.5]
Your first post was awesome, like you had everything, great attack with details and realism, mention of previous battles and your experience, breed comparisons, scenery evaluation and concern of effects, just great! Your second post however saw no mention of breed and limited surrounding, as well as too low of an injury for a 6 damage. Having your shoulders torn open by a tiger’s paws is surely painful, and although you said as much, it didn’t seem like it actually was because the pain was then brushed over and your movements continued on mostly unhindered.

For your third post though you have great surroundings mention of slipping on the mud and good attack, although you cannot say for certain that Saffron is still in front of you, so be careful. You mention pain about her neck, but it seems too low of an injury once again given the roll of a 5 damage. Your magic response is great though. Then in your closing defense you had a good evasion.


Emotion [+1.5]
I saw some of Arah in the fight, but mostly it was flashes of emotion and I haven’t left feeling like I really know or understand her at all, least of all why she engaged in this fight and made the choices she did during it.


Prose [+2.5]
Your prose started off really strong and beautiful, but then seemed to get much choppier and simplified, as if it was rushed and not read through.


Readability [-1]
Lots of grammatical errors, but otherwise easy to read.

Post 1: which side is Arah on of Saffron?
“Winter still hovers above her…” (Wynter)
“...readying herself for when Arah pounced she to would snap into action.” (so she would?)
“...wing of battling, her decision is made…” (battling. Her…)
“....her decent has been a burst…” (descent)

Post 2:
“...her worries about this play lessoned… (lessened)
“Missing the her mark ... “ (extra word)
“...purposeful gaze lingering upon Arah, smiling the doe accepts the challenge.” (weirdly worded)
“...between them, her gaze traveled…” (them. Her gaze…)
“...pain that she'd currently in.” (she’s)
“...an ability Arah wasn't aware of?” (should be reworded to be a question or have a period instead)

Post 3:
“... within her flesh, the blood flowed…” (flesh; the blood)
“...flowed freely this sight lead a black rage to swirl around her body.” (weird wording)
“...it's impervious grip…” (its)
“...one's over all performance.” (overall)
“...at Arah causing Wynter takes flight. “ (to take flight)


Finally tally: 40.5+(11*2)= 62.5 HP


SAFFRON
Realism [+1]
You have the potential for great attacks and defenses, but I am constantly left without enough detail or explanation to make them real enough. For instance, why did Saffron brace for a charging horse in post 1, rather than dashing off as any normal tiger would do? You said she dodges Arah's charge, but how does she dodge?? In post 2 you break Arah’s magic by suddenly getting a feeling you’re in a spar, I would have loved more detail on that process.

You took pretty good damage, but again the pain and injury felt undescribed and thus limited. For instance in post 1 Saffron’s ribs are kicked and bruised, and you say it kinda hurts to breathe, but that seems hugely painful and would not lead me to think that Saffron would then go a stretch out to swipe at her. If you had used more description and timing to make it flow as a reflexive counter attack, that would have made sense, but you broke it up very clearly that Arah’s rear landed, then the companion tore your ear, and then you attacked, rather than making all those things one process evolving together. Similarly you didn’t seem to take enough damage in your second post, just that you were tired, but you rolled a 6. However in your third post you took too much damage for a 2 considering your shoulder took a direct hit and crumpled afterwards, that seems like more than a basic bruise to me.

You touched on surroundings and breed briefly here and there, but again not enough description to really make them an influence during the fight.

Just a note as well, tiger’s do not sweat - mentioned in post 2.

It is all in the details!


Emotion [+1]
The emotion steadily increased as the fight went on, but it all seemed very dry and I never got a good sense of Saffron - I was told not shown her feelings.


Prose [+2]
Your posts read a bit choppy and the writing was very simplistic and at times left me wanting much more, especially given all the words you had left to use. Look for smoother transitions to maintain flow of different paragraphs and ideas.


Readability [+2]
Just a few typos. Also in your second post you commented that Arah turned into you, but you said that they were facing each other, so regardless of turning left or right she wouldn’t have turned into you.

Post 2
“...mind, though, the.... (mind the)

Post 3:
“The next attack.” (fragment)


Finally tally: 33.5+(6*2)= 45.5 HP