KAJ
Realism [+3.5]
I really felt you had some great attacks and defenses in this fight! I was hoping for a bit more description of his magic attack in post 3 and his evasion/defense in post 4, but otherwise you kept true to timing, flow, positioning and overall realism. I especially liked your magic setting your own hair on fire and how you worked in multiple times that this was a friendly, training spar. I enjoyed seeing the mentions of past fights and what Kaj knew from them.

For the most part you took good injuries, however your last post was a bit too strong for a damage roll of 1 considering you said he had second degree burns. I was a bit iffy about him falling in post 3, however since it read more like he fell down on his knees, and that that was his 1 damage injury, I went for it. I did enjoy you constant use of scenery and would have loved to see more breed references - you did at one point say Resplendence was more agile in post 2, but Kaj has the higher agility stat. Also great job at mentioning sustained injuries the whole fight,


Emotion [+2]
Overall I felt Kaj throughout the fight, especially in your first post, and your last (the closing defense, although that one wasn’t scored!) It seemed to teeter off a bit in your second and thir posts as you focused more on getting out the realism aspects. For instance I wanted to know more about why Kaj executed such a strong attack there at the end of his second post - hitting a joint is serious business, even if his object is to slow her down. Given that he’s teaching her though, wouldn’t he have wanted her to have her speed?


Prose [+4]
Great writing all throughout.


Readability [+3]
Easy to read.


Finally tally: 44+(11.5*2)= 67 HP


RESPLENDENCE
Realism [+2]
You also had some good attacks and defense ideas, however it seemed like you kept taking too much injury in each post. The fractured bone in post 2 definitely stands out and might have been okay if the damage roll was a 6, but given it was a 5 and that she was defensively rearing away from Kaj, it just doesn’t seem plausible to me - something more like a bruised bone would have suited better. Similarly flipping over backwards in post 3 was just a bit too much for a damage of 2, on top of having a fractured leg which should have affected her ability to rear, even if she was terrified of lightning.

You had a couple mentions of surroundings, like the sand being partially why she flipped over backwards, but otherwise it didn’t feel touched on much, and same with breed references. You did good remembering her injuries during the fight though.


Emotion [+1.5]
It seemed like you started off telling me how Resplendence felt rather than showing me, but you finished off really strong. For instance I would have expected a lot more emotion in your second post given the severity of the injury, the situation, and the opponent, and maybe you just ran out of words, but it felt like it was no big deal to her.


Prose [+4]
Great writing the whole fight.


Readability [+2.5]
Just a couple typos in your first post!

“...do it again.” she said…” (again,” she)
“Her body lurching forward uncertainly as almost trips, stumbling forward…) (weird wording, as supposed to be and maybe?)


Finally tally: 29+(10*2)= 49 HP