MEGAERA
Realism [+0.5]
:: Good thoughts on strategy against Gaucho in your first post, in making herself ‘invisible’ to him, although I sort of wonder about the landing part. Seems like after such a descent from the sky, she would want to definitely make sure to land on her feet, or else risk some serious injury to her body. Also, since you had the extra words, I would have liked to read about how much strain trying to slow herself down was putting on the wing/shoulder joint.
:: I mention this in almost all pegasus spars- horses are huge! No matter how big their wings are, they’re going to need a running start before they can lift into the air. Just keep that in mind, since you had Megaera start flying from a stand-still.
:: In a flash, she was behind him. You can only try to be behind him, you can’t dictate his location. The whole attack was written with such certainty, but that doesn’t leave Gaucho much room for interpretation.
:: Gaucho rolled a 6 in his second attack- I definitely didn’t get the sense that Megaera took that much damage. That’s the hardest he can hit, so although I thought the beginnings of the idea of pain were there, I think you could have used some of your left-over words to describe that more fully.
:: Same note with your final post- I think you needed to take more damage. Maybe you did take a bit, but I just didn’t get a real sense of it.


Emotion [+1]
:: I liked that you worked in Megaera’s consideration of the murder mystery plot, and how it was affecting her daily life.
:: I also liked how much consideration you gave to Megaera wavering between wanting to be a warrior and attack, but also to not harm her herd mate too much.
:: Good panic when she was worried about harming her idol- I wish you would have expounded on that more!
:: Overall, you had good beginnings of emotion but I always wanted more!


Prose [+1]
:: She followed the sun and as it was nearing the halfway poin in the sky ahead of her, she soared over the falls as the island’s edge point, and at, I think. Also this sentence was missing a period at the end.
:: Gaucho was bigger that she, and far more experienced than
:: He was much to close and coming to quickly too, both times
:: The pain was outrageous, biting everywhere as she passed through the wall and Meg thought she might be in the Heart’s fire again and repeated the strangled, angry scream she had used then but there was fire on the inside too. There were a few instances like this one where your sentences got a little long and run-on-esque. I think this could have been broken up into two thoughts with stronger effect.
:: so perhaps his quest had effected his sight Affected
:: She hadn’t hear him take of but heard, off


Readability [+2]
:: Just had to go back and re-read a couple places because of weird sentences or spelling mistakes.

**Minus 1 overall for editing a post**
Finally tally: 38+(4.5*2)-1= 46HP


GAUCHO
Realism [+4.5]
:: Good use of the scenery and tall grass to locate Megaera.
:: I thought, considering his vision and the damage he took, all of his actions were very realistic. Well done!


Emotion [+2]
:: Anticipation mixed with uncertainty as the dun braced himself for impact. Good! Love the consideration of the effect that throwing his body at empty air would have.
:: Why had it taken until now to realize what a huge benefit becoming invisible would be? Why hadn't he thought of this sooner? Good! And I like that, throughout the post, he continues to consider the implications of Megaera’s tactics. Very fitting of his warrior mind.


Prose [+4]
:: No comments or concerns, your posts were obviously well edited. There were just a couple times where I thought a well-placed comma would have helped the flow.


Readability [+3]
:: No comments or concerns

Finally tally: 54.5+(13.5*2)= 81.5HP