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02-20-2015, 12:23 AM
| She was incredulous, offended, and perhaps a bit surprised that things had moved so easily from her grip and into mine. However, sometimes feelings were meant to be guarded and sometimes we were each allowed moments of greed… even if I thought those moments were more meant to hurt me. I’d tried to still my tongue and I’d tried to control the anxiety that surfaced in the wake of her growing reclusion, but it had come. It had broken through all of my tempered efforts to refrain and it highlighted the cracks in my fragile veneer. She could see it now, the hurt of my past, splintering right down to my core until it threatened to break me apart. Yet, I had no pity for Evangeline, because I too had suffered love’s loss and it had come at the hands of death. Dying was a bitter thing that seemed surreal and temporary… but of course we all knew that it was something permanent, something irreversible. Tamira’s life had been written into the earth and even more so within my heart, but Evangeline was here. She was a vision of life and she was the promise for a new and better future, even if it was just outside of my reach… even if she was just outside of my reach. However, those eyes of unmerciful green had stopped me long before I’d even begun. Eva was the destroyer of my world and the creator of my happiness and why she couldn’t see that after all this time and all this persistence… I would never understand. Yet, I was the one going mad; I was the one searching for ways to mend the ice I’d never intended to break underfoot. Everything she said was just another way to defend herself from me, anyone could see it, yet she couldn’t. I’d had enough of to trying to reel her in and attempt to coax the words from her mouth, the words I truly desired, not the ones that could placate me for a day or two. The darkness of the grove did little to suppress my own vulnerability, let alone that of a stubborn mare… but somehow I did not find shame lingering in the corners of my mind for allowing Evangeline to see me as I was. I was a man, but that didn’t keep me from feeling and loving. However, that only led me to more unanswered questions that I vaguely felt I already knew the answers to… this was just another wild goose chase, doomed for hell. “Don’t lie to me, I think I’ve heard enough half-truths from you to last me a lifetime,” I responded coldly. This was it, the very moment Evagenline had to decide. I couldn’t be her knight in shining armor every time she decided to blockade her heart. However, the more I pressed her, the more she snarled like a cornered wolf. I couldn’t comfort her anymore… I couldn’t keep making up for the distance she sought to put between us. I’d seen this situation one too many times and each time it got harder, more unbearable to witness. She was broken, that much was certain… but she didn’t want my help. She wanted to suffer in her isolation like some exotic animal forced into captivity. I’d seen her beauty and the wild glimmer of freedom in her soul… yet, that wasn’t what I saw now. Now she was a guarded damsel in distress, unwilling to be saved. “I think you know we all have fears Eva, but this might be the last time you get to see mine.” I’d thought that at some point she would give up, turn loose the fear that gripped her and made her vicious, but I’d been wrong. The moment such offensive words left her mouth, so full of accusation and finality, I turned. There was a moment that I considered staying and fighting for her, but I had nothing left. There was nothing that I could call upon to keep me at her side. If she wanted a life of solitude then I would give it to her… I would let her go. THOR
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Lines by Tamme! Paddeh Coloring
