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01-25-2015, 03:24 AM
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Resplendence
it's what you feel but can't articulate outloud She was angry. She was beyond angry. She couldn't believe that he still thought she believed herself to be useless. And, while she stood there - staring at him, all that she could do was try and get rid of the desire to yell at him. Except, she couldn't. Valiance couldn't. Neither of them could get rid of the hatred that was coursing through their veins. She snorts. If he had blinded him, other things placed in front of her? She should be backing away. She should be profusely apologizing for not being able to control her companion, but at this point she didn't care because her and her companion were one in the same. "I would never have let him go into the fight if I didn't think he could handle it. The point of this was to fight. The point of this was to make me fight. And if I'd had the ability to shoot flames at you I would have. I'm tired of this Kaj. I'm tired of you thinking I can't do anything. If this hadn't been a fighting situation I'd understand this chastising. I'd understand this 'you can do better and be better' except for the fact that it WAS a fighting situation. You want me to be strong? Goddammit, Kaj. Valiance knew I wanted a distraction. Valiance knew I needed time. You can't tell me that his flames did not give me the chances to recuperate that would have left me open to a kill if he hadn't. I'm so damn tired." She hisses, ear pinning back for a second as she finishes before it lifts up once more, eyes taking in his wounds and gritting her teeth. Perhaps she wouldn't have asked Valiance to take it as far as he had, but that was beside the point. He was degrading her as he seemed to enjoy doing lately and she was done with being shoved down to the bottom. She was finished with always being the one thing that came last. He wanted to see her strong, bless her soul, she would be strong and throw off the chains of her manners that she usually tried to have. No more apologies. No more trying to make up for how harmful Valiance's fire actually was. No more making up for the fact that she was scared which was an offset to new people she hadn't met. She wouldn't apologize for who she was anymore - not to him, not right now. She stands up a little taller, wincing as she places even weight on her fractured limb. She doesn't care. She'll take the pain. She grits her teeth for a second, pinning her ear as Valiance lashes his tail back and forth in annoyance. "Stop acting like I'm useless! Stop acting like I break too easily! Stop thinking that I can't do anything for myself!" She says, starting off at a normal speech level only to have it escalate into a yell. She snorts, nostrils flaring as she tries to shift her weight, her back sore and her limb screaming in pain - but she deserved it so she would deal with it. "I'm tired of trying to be strong and everyone treating me like I'm breaking even more because I'm actually trying. You say I'm not useless but you strip me of the one position that gave me some use." She's still yelling, moving forward with her head high, tail mimicking Valiance's lashes. "If I'm really as useless as you all think than I deserve to be beat into some kind of submission. I deserve to feel this pain, because apparently that's all I've ever caused anyone else." She snaps. There aren't even tears. There isn't sadness. No. It's all anger. It's all hate. It's directed at the world around her. She doesn't care that Kaj is a giant compared to her. She doesn't care that he somehow managed to conjure up an electrical storm before her eyes. She. Doesn't. Care. If he was still a brother to her he wouldn't hurt her now for speaking up, for finally gaining a back-bone and lashing out. "So what if I'm afraid of my own damn shadow. So what if I think every damn unicorn is going to eat us. So what if I think the Grey is slowly taking over another one of my homes. It doesn't matter. And you want to know why it doesn't matter. Because you and Kahlua don't think I serve any damn purpose in your lives anymore." She hisses, she bites at the air, trying to place the bared teeth inches from his face. "You didn't even have the decency to pull me aside before you ripped my position for me. You've never had the decency to ask what plagues me at night, to come in and check on me. You just saw me hiding, thinking that I couldn't handle things anymore and you stripped me of the one thing that was making me strong, that gave me a purpose to live." So she backs away, gasping for air as she puts all of her weight on her fractured limb to do so. "If it hadn't been for Alysanne finding me after that meeting I might not even be here, I might not be alive. She's the only one who's cared lately! The only one!" And her voice finally breaks, Valiance still lashing his tail from his position atop her poll. He wouldn't interfere just yet, not when she was finally speaking her mind. "Quilyan is gone. Lost somewhere and I can't find him. Everyone that was my family from the old Edge is gone. The two who I considered a brother and a sister won't talk to me, and now you're telling me that I should stop telling myself I'm useless?! Well welcome to reality Kaj. I stopped that a while ago. I stopped that around the time that magic island came to the sky. I thought I'd found a purpose, and I was starting to figure out what happiness was. And you took it away from me." She stops, holding in a breath as she drops her gaze - unable to look at his mohawk and singed hide. "I thought you were my brother and you did the one blow that a family member wouldn't have done without warning. And now you want me to chastise Valiance even more, outloud to you to appease you because he singed your back? Because you got a mohawk? Because this could have been some helpless creature? I wouldn't be fighting if it were a helpless creature. I wouldn't be fighting if it were Kahlua or Nayati or Alysanne. I wouldn't be doing this, and I wouldn't have allowed Valiance to do this if it was someone who couldn't fight." She hissed, tears brimming at her eyes that she refused to let fall. She would not cry. She would not cry. She was tired of being pushed aside to be useless once more. She was too tired of always being meek, of always being afraid to do this. And, when she knew she was safe to come out of her shell (or at least hoped she was safe) she was going to do it. Because keeping it in was just as exhausting as letting it out… Continued from It's Like Chasing Lightning
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