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02-05-2015, 12:01 AM
A z a n e e n but oh my dear a guardian angel is always near Oh my heart, or the shattered remains of what was once a heart, stabs at me like glass. Tears constantly threatened to reveal themselves and once again I was left lonely. Given company and a reason to live by Kaj in the Threshold but depression feed upon the lonely nights one walked with their own drowning thoughts. So throughout this night, I searched hopelessly for his company. Begging myself to hang on a little longer. Though as I found myself upon the rocky edge that fell to the battering oceans below, I was tempted. Tempted by this dark feeling. As if I had no control of my own actions, my judgment poor. To jump or not to jump. To die or to live. To relieve this pain or stagger on bleeding. For hours I stood there, tears streaming from my golden globes, long hair whipping in the wind. Until the great ball of fire began to emerge. As my golden glow began to become invisible in the light of the day. I still never parted from that edge. I still never completely convinced myself to stay here, perhaps the only reason I had not jumped was the wandering images of Kaj's face through my memory. To that man, I owe my life. For if he was not there that night, I would have let my soul leap from my carcass and never return. I was oh so tired of holding on and oh so weak, so malnourished. I was nothing but bones that gleamed in the middle of the night. One golden hoof began to take a weak step forward, closer to that edge. --------- Closer to the death that entangled her mind, to the blackness that refused to let her heart mend it self, to the idea of no suffering beyond the realms of this life she lived. The next hoof followed. And the next. Then one more. Azaneen stopped just before the drop. Unable to push herself any further. The pain was great but there was fear far greater. Fear that her thoughts were wrong. That her belief in what was beyond this life was not real. That to leave her body she would dance in blackness forever. There may not be an afterlife of golden fields like the stories her family had always told her. A final tear slowly formed, dripping from her lid in complete emptiness. One hoof moved backwards. And the rest followed in motion. Leading her to circle backwards and put that leap behind her. To push away the thought of removing herself. Onward she moved, with a slow dance, ungraceful and still unwell. Sickly muscles refused to hold her head high, her maw hovered just above the grass that sprouted. Silently she called for someone. Closing her lids just to see the faces that haunted her behind every closed door. Ashin's dying words still reverberated against her skull. For saving her, Azaneen could not, but she will always blame herself for letting the girl die. Always and forever. The black mare walked not far from the trio ahead of her. Lingering in silent sorrow. Nimble limbs that begged to stop for a break, though she pushed on. Without acknowledgement (for she had not even noticed them) the golden littered girl traversed onwards beside the trio. Not far off. She was well noticeable but for their bodies were never seen in Azaneens depressive eyes, blind with the images of all her family. All the destruction, the flee, everything.. [ooc- Azaneen is still quite malnourished, her bones are not as visible as they were the day in the Threshold with Kaj, but they are there and it is easily noticed she is not in good health. I also switched different view points of writing just to see which one I could flow better with, sorry for any confusion.] Kahlua | Alysanne | Brisa - let me know if you wish not to be tagged next time. :) (tags removed to edit) |
- table by Niki -
