It had been such a long time since I’d let go and let the world spin me in her embrace. I wanted to dance with the cosmos and sing to the heavens. I wanted to burn with the earthen fires of my existence and color the skies with my ideas. I was done with thinking, done with debating, and done with everything that reminded me of life itself. I wanted to shed my skin and bones and simply be. I’d travelled too many miles to count and suffered ignorance in every form, but now I was ready to touch the intelligence of ingenuity and innocence. When would the world comply and send me what I’d been looking for? Gender was not an object when it came to truly seeing another’s soul… it was something I’d been seeking for too long and for too long I’d been denied satisfaction.

In an attempt to drown the restlessness that shook me from within, I sought out the ocean. It was a wide expanse of sand and water that served to calm the beating of my heart, but not the incessant racing of my thoughts. I pictured the stunning blood red mare I’d met some miles back and the way she smiled at me. She was a whimsical creature best suited for a family and doting partner… and at times I longed to be the one that turned her lips and caressed her cheek. At times I feared that age had made me a weak man, however, with nothing other than a vagabond lifestyle to offer, I was little more than a passing dream… a transient idea that couldn’t quite stick.

That’s not to say that I was looking for love or the like; it was more about the fact that I wanted someone to share these times with. I wanted someone with which to make memories with… a companion that would see me as ally and confidante. Was that love? I wasn’t sure nor did I care to indulge the question and yet… it was a notion that would not rid itself, despite many attempts to see it gone.

Even as trouble seemed to plague me in my descent down the shore, I was not blind to the beauty of such a spectacular view. The waters the rushed headlong across the beach reminded me of a village I’d visited when I was about three years old. It had been something of a merchant town filled with friendly faces and even friendlier women, but it hadn’t been what I was looking for… I needed more magic, more awe. That’s why Helovia had not only thrown me for a whirl but had also gripped me between her teeth and compelled me to stay, a permanent fixture unwilling to be uprooted from the splendor that was this amazing land.

Yet it came with a certain loneliness that had never touched my virgin heart before. I’d always been a man more amused by the generosity of many than by the ingenuity of just one. Somehow, this place had planted her seed down low, causing me to regret my choices for the first time in my life. What did life have in store for a perpetual ladies’ man, hell-bent on testing every savory delicacy known to mankind?


How many times would I have to battle with my desires before they consumed me? I’d often wondered as much… but then again, it was a pleasurable battle best meant for mongrels like myself.

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