There were many days the queen loved the cliffs at the northern border of the forest. The sound of the waves crashing against their rocky shore was comforting. When she stood at the edge, staring out across the waters, the way the wind picked and played at her mane and tail, tossing them about, was comforting. She had used to stand there to pray to the Lady Moon, to feel like the caress of the wind was the caress of the Lady Moon’s wings wrapping around her. At night, with the moon high in the sky, she had felt especially close.

In many ways, it was hard for the Sunshower to let go of the old memories she had of the Moon Goddess. She had told Kaj that she owed the gods everything, that she had been nothing before Helovia… it was the truth as she knew it.

It was strange, when she happened on the Frostheart, how a certain part of her just wanted to explode out with all of her feelings and tell him that she was giving it all up. Kahlua the Sunshower, Queen of the Edge? No longer. She would just be Kahlua, outcast, lady of the wilds. Closing her eyes, she tried to imagine her life in that scenario. Her and Mauja, like Bonnie and Clyde, two outlaws living fast and wild, going where they wanted and doing what they pleased, paying allegiance to no gods or herds or friends or families. But the longer she imagined, the more her head began repeating the line she had spoken to Mauja the first time she had met him. Sounds lonely. Because as much as she knew Mauja would be good company, she also knew that her vivacious heart’s need for companionship could not be sated by one soul. And even if the Moon Goddess was to blame for the evils Gaucho had committed, Kahlua could not blame the other three. No, she was a herd horse and she was meant to stay one. It was just harder to remember that, these days.

It was lucky she could not see into the Frostheart’s mind as he laid eyes on her, the way his thought swirled underneath the stony face that she had grown so used to, or she might have just broken down into tears and lost all her resolve. It seemed she was determined to hurt everyone in her life by being pregnant, for some reason. She had not expected to fight with Kaj by any means, and yet she had not slept well in weeks. Their fight had been… horrid, to say the least, and herd business was awfully hard to attend to now (thank goodness for Archibald), but she just couldn’t bear to speak to him. He had hurt her too badly, and she was not ready to forgive him.

Settling her basket onto the ground as Mauja spoke her name, Khan fluttering down to perch himself on the handle as he was apt to do from time to time, the queen started towards him, hoof steps coming much slower than she wanted them to. She was nervous, hesitant… “Mauja,” she repeated again, sadly, because she didn’t even know where to begin. But she had to begin somewhere, or else nothing would ever get done. “I’m so sorry. I’m the worst kind of friend,” she started with a sigh, truly believing her words. She had broken Kaj by carrying Father Earth’s foal, she had assaulted Mauja with her words when all he had deserved was a comforting touch, she had hurt Res by not being around as a friend…

“I should have known it wasn’t you, doing the… hurting everyone. I was wrong.” Closer, closer she wandered, and when she was within a few steps of him, she suddenly hurried despite her widening belly, crashing into his chest and his shoulder, just pressing her head against his warm hide, trying to find warmth and answers in his ebony spots. “Can you forgive me?” Her eyes closed, and she descended into darkness.

The gentle lullaby of the earth’s sounds around her soothed her into a sense of peace as she pressed against the beast, still trying to draw some sense of normalcy from the feeling of his touch, but she didn’t even know what normal was anymore. Absently, her hoof began to drag in the soil beneath her and after a moment she opened her eyes to see what she was doing. Withdrawing from the Frostheart’s embrace, she dug for a few seconds until she found a small rock- it was plain and gray, small and round, but its unassuming nature seemed fitting for the Ice King. With a release of her magic, the stone began to produce a gentle yellow light that illuminated an area of about 3 meters around them. “You can have it, if you want it,” she suggested gently, wondering if he would accept it or not.

Just one more offering for the Frostheart… would any amount of gestures make up for what she had done?

Kahlua

only light can drive out the darkness