OPHELIA
Realism [+4]
You had consistently good attacks, dodges, injury, and timing all throughout the fight. You also incorporated the scenery (that damn rock!) and utilized your breed/stat (using her height to stay above Maren’s wings). The little details you use, like bending to help with her shoulder stiffness, really help bring that realism up into awesomeness. I especially enjoyed the damage you took in your last post.


Emotion [+2]
Your first post has some really magnificent emotion, which did carry into your second post as you struggled with the critical miss and reflected on the Deimos fight, but it felt weaker in your third post. There was good emotion here, but I still felt myself wanting more, wanting to understand Ophelia’s motives more as the fight continued.
“Ophelia watched the way her curious feathery appendages (could she call them wings just by shape alone?)“ - lol


Prose [+3.5]
Beautifully well written all throughout.


Readability [+2]
Was mildly confused at the end of your first post about the light you were talking about, since I was familiar with Maren’s halo, but not Ophelia’s glowing horn ornament. Replacing “her” with a name would have cleared that up for me! Using names is generally more helpful than not, and costs just as much word-wise, especially when two of the same gender are fighting. I also found post three very confusing about positioning of both fighters, so please remember to really detail left, right, parallel, perpendicular etc. For instance you had Ophelia on Maren’s left side, stomping down with her right hoof on Maren’s left leg, and then you said Ophelia spun away (how, where??) and attacked Maren’s side (which one??) with Ophelia’s horn. Otherwise your posts were very readable, with few grammar errors except in post two (detailed below).

P2:
“...between them increase before the battle started...” (increased & could use a comma after started)
“...observing her bonded engage…” (his?)
“...Maren gathered strength…” (gathering)
“...Ophelia spin swiftly to the right…” (spun)
P3: really confused about positioning this whole post. Need more lefts and rights please!


Finally tally: 47+(11.5*2)= 70 68 HP


MAREN
Realism [-1.5]
I think that you have some excellent attacks and dodges here, and you are especially excellent at detailing and using the scenery, but in regards to timing and description your realism starts to fade and affects everything else. Although not required to use the entire post limit, it can help if you have extra words left, to read back through and thoroughly explain yourself. Judges do not read summaries, so everything must be clear in the post body, and that’s where I struggled the most with your posts.

In your first post, for instance, your dodge in and of itself was good, however I’m not sure how dodging to your left, the same side Ophelia is attacking on, would evade the attack? Additionally, Maren is suddenly half rearing, but you don’t say how she goes into it and from which point she goes into it. You also forgot to mention Maren’s reaction to the blinding light on Ophelia’s horn which Ophelia specifically mentioned as being a method to stave off immediate counterattacks from Maren. Good buck attack and use of sand though!

In your second post, you mention Maren completing a U-turn, but I am clueless as to what u-turn you’re referring to as I don’t see one previously mentioned. You also use a lot of attacks in this post, which although there is no limit, the more you use the more difficult it is to explain them in regards to timing and positioning. For instance, your ram/charge attack on Ophelia backtracks her post a lot and makes it difficult with the timing of the thread. You did respond really well to Ophelia’s magic though, and great mentions again of the sand and Ophelia’s greater agility. You take Ophelia’s bite, and your bite-counter attack works well enough with timing, but then it gets really sticky here.
Ophelia has greater speed and agility, she mentions in her post that she pivots on her haunches, keeping them at Maren for her buck attack, which we can assume happens quickly based on the pacing of these attacks and Ophelia’s speed. Yet you describe Maren as having the time to also turn (never really mention a turn), bucking out at Ophelia’s head (is this before Ophelia turns? If not her head would be too far away) and then to also turn around and rear at Ophelia’s hind end, which is when/where you take Ophelia’s buck attack to your leg (you never say if it’s your hind or front leg). That is just way too much for Maren to be doing at once, especially given the moment being described and your opponent’s stats. You go on to say Maren pulls up alongside Ophelia, but I’m not sure how you do that if Maren was just behind her (which she must have been if Maren was hit by Ophelia’s buck and for your rear to strike Ophelia’s hocks), not which side (left, right?) Maren is on. That in and of itself is a lot happening, but you go on to also do a bodyslam and try and poke Ophelia’s eye with your wings. Additionally, for a damage roll of 6, your injuries were far too light. Since a damage roll of 6 is the maximum, I definitely expect blood if not a fall/twist/sprain/near-break/lameness/useless leg etc.

Post 3 is an improvement though! You did a great job mentioning an injury sustained earlier in this fight, and you take Ophelia’s stomp with realism and good injury/damage. Your bite at Ophelia’s neck would have been improved with more detail as to your positions - I can assume you are on ophelia’s right side, and this biting the right side of her neck, since Ophelia used her right front on maren’s left front leg, but I shouldn’t have to make assumptions, it should be very clear for me. Similarly the slice that Maren takes, is it left or right? Your end with a really strong attack and great strategy with your magic there.


Emotion [+1]
Although at times I was given glimpses of how Maren felt, the posts were mostly mechanical with description of actions and setting, rather than feelings, motives, and thoughts. I want to feel like I am the character itself during a fight, completely engrossed by them while they struggle for victory!


Prose [+2.5]
You have some beautiful writing, especially some of your descriptions in your third post were gorgeous. You struggle a little bit with flow, your sentences and paragraphs transitioning subjects a bit too choppy for it to read really fluidly.
“The dust fell around them as if the desert was falling apart.” - gorgeous


Readability [-1]
As mentioned earlier, more description for her positioning and attacks/defenses would be very helpful - left, right, parallel, perpendicular etc. Also although there were some grammar issues detailed below, most are repeated mistakes, and minor mistakes, so given that English isn’t your first language you did really well!

P1
“Blue. It was perfect. Pretty, even.” (fragment)
“...in the suns brightness between her eyes…” (sun’s)
“God damn., sure to be cursing” (period or comma, not both)
“....either.", she ….” (either,” she - punctuation goes inside speech quotes)
“Keeping herself steady, in balance like a leaf, by spreading her wings.” (fragment)

P2:
“She had hesitated, and now she had left them even where she'd been supposed to take the lead.” (This sentence is confusing to me. What had she left? What lead? Rephrase to even when she was supposed to take the lead?)
“Immediately after the sheer action, she had spread her wings.” (I think you mean to imply sheer amount of action, but the way you use sheer here makes it read more like the thin fabric type of sheer.)
“In the little time that was stretched between these attacks, Ophelia had managed to stumble over a rock, which had lain buried underneath the sand. Coming down on her front she kicked out her back hooves, only to throw up sand instead of the target she had been meaning to hit.” (I take it you’re talking about Maren’s attack in the second sentence, but as you only use “her” and Ophelia was the only name used prior, it reads as if it’s about Ophelia. Choppy flow here.)
“By all their continuing moving around…” (continued)
“...from the absent of motion…” (absence)
“...let the girls filthy…” (girl’s)
“...where the unicorns head was supposed…” (unicorn’s)
“...hind-hocks…” (hocks are only part of the hind legs, so the hind part is unnecessary to include)
“...around; finishing…” (comma rather than semi-colon)
“...body against hers…” (her’s)
“...from a distant would…” (distance)

P3:
“...away to swiftly…” (too)
“...still overpowered hers” (her’s)


Finally tally: 41.5+(1*2)= 43.5 HP