the Rift


my.twin.brother [Lloyd]

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#9




L u c i u s | L l o y d
- - - - -
By my verdict LUCIUS is the winner.

LUCIUS -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: charges left shoulder

[Prose]
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Easy read

LLOYD -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: takes the shoulder hit
+ 1| Attack: bucks at hindquarters

[Prose]
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Easy read

LUCIUS -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: injured by your own ramming attack
+ 1| Defense: buck to chest
+ 1| Attack: bites at the back knee (back knee = the hock or the literal knee of the horse, which is more up like in their ‘thigh’ in their hind end?)
+ 1| Injury: mention of shoulder injury pain

[Prose]
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Easy Read

LLOYD -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: bitten and bleeding
- 1| Attack: jumping forward to attack makes no sense as he is behind you.

[Prose]
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
0| Emotion

LUCIUS -- post 3 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: knees scraped by the back hooves
+ 1| Defense: hit in haunches instead


LUCIUS

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed
+ 1| Health
+ 1| Surroundings

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
+ 1| Loved that you took counter damage from your own attack and you described it so beautifully.

Comments: I don’t really have much to say you fought very well in this spar! My only advice would be to provide more emotion. You definitely offered it and it was present in every post, but it wasn’t quite enough to get me hooked in the feel of the battle or feel like I was within Lucius’ head the whole time. Otherwise fantastic, you have the fighting mechanics down!

LLOYD

[Bonus]
None.

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
None.

Comments: You have a very strong start to fighting here. You definitely seemed to understand good horse attacks, but sometimes I think positioning got you in a bit of trouble, trying to envision where each was in relation to each other. I would suggest being more specific with the locations of your attacks and maybe reviewing horse anatomy. Don’t forget to include sizing up your opponent and utilizing your surroundings, not only do they earn you some good bonus points but help add to over all realism :)

TOTAL
LUCIUS - 67
LLOYD - 57


Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr


Messages In This Thread
my.twin.brother [Lloyd] - by Lucius - 09-17-2012, 11:59 AM
RE: my.twin.brother [Lloyd] - by Lloyd - 09-17-2012, 04:43 PM
RE: my.twin.brother [Lloyd] - by Lucius - 09-17-2012, 06:03 PM
RE: my.twin.brother [Lloyd] - by Lloyd - 09-19-2012, 04:31 PM
RE: my.twin.brother [Lloyd] - by Lucius - 09-19-2012, 05:45 PM
RE: my.twin.brother [Lloyd] - by Lloyd - 09-21-2012, 08:47 PM
RE: my.twin.brother [Lloyd] - by Lucius - 09-23-2012, 07:43 AM
RE: my.twin.brother [Lloyd] - by Lucius - 10-06-2012, 04:43 PM
RE: my.twin.brother [Lloyd] - by Official - 11-28-2012, 02:55 PM

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