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NYX
Realism [+2]
-- You had some good realism with taking damage through the dice rolls. It was easy to read your posts and guestimate what damage was rolled.
-- One thing I found a bit unrealistic, however, were the stones mentioned in post two. They are only mentioned briefly, but are written as sharp enough to be a factor for injuring Ampere. If the stones are sharp enough to injure Ampere, they are surely sharp enough to injury Nyx--especially in her hooves!
-- One thing you should keep in mind when writing battles is to always use the animal anatomy that matches the character you are writing. For example, in post three Nyx takes damage on the "underside of her right midsection", but it is unclear really of what part of her body that is. There are anatomy guides in the Guidebook, if you need help with what exactly each point of a horse is called.
-- Another aspect I found to be a little unrealistic was near the end of the fight. You write Nyx as wearing down, but then she suddenly has the strength and stamina to buck three times towards Ampere. Even just one buck takes a lot of power!


Emotion [+1]
-- As a reader, I understood that you know Nyx well, but I felt a craving for more. The times that had heavy emotion were excellent, like when Nyx was pooped on and also when she is angered by Ampere's accusation of companion slavery! However, as a whole, when emotions were referenced they seemed dry and cursory; they were just written, but I did not feel them. I felt this craving for deeper emotion because it is written that Nyx flip-flops from fear to anger, then they mix, but I don't always get why or how, except that it is just plainly stated.


Prose [+2.5]
-- You are a gifted writer that definitely understands what they want to say. Mistakes here and there did not affect what you meant to get across, but affected the readability as detailed below. Above all, you have a style of writing this character that is true to you.


Readability [+1.5]
-- Just focus on proofreading and even reading aloud, and hopefully that will help dispel some awkward phrasing.

-- "shoulderblade" = two words :: This was a mistake you made more than once. Please watch this!
-- "recouperation" = recuperation
-- "shortlived" = two words
-- "throwing her weight to her hindquarters Nyx" = throwing her weight to her hindquarters, Nyx :: Need a comma
-- "Nyx's shrill whinny pierces the air, backpedalling on her hindlegs and trying to bring her front hooves slamming down on the blue creature." :: Awkward sentence plus a spelling error made this sentence a very difficult read.


Finally tally: 48.5 + 7 = 55.5 HP


AMPERE
Realism [+3]
-- You do well to translate damage from the dice into your writing. With your magic you are very creative while still staying within the parameters of the restrictions, which I appreciate. Even though the same magic is repeated throughout the fight, Ampere is able to use it in many different ways and it is not monotonous or predictable.


Emotion [+2]
-- In your first post, I was a little disappointed. From knowing Ampere and her background with companions, I was hoping to see this battle heavily focus on Nyx and her lion. Even with the first post being dry in this aspect, the subsequent posts were very fulfilling to Ampere's personality. However, Ampere's emotions were not only focused on the companion issue, which made her feel more well-rounded and realistic as a character.


Prose [+3.5]
Your posts show clear style of writing. You have a unique style that is captivating and brings the reader in without clogging them with dense language.

Readability [+2]
-- You have some frequent tense changes and there were a few instances where your posts flip-flopped on active and passive voice. Careful proofreading, and reading aloud, will help with this.
-- “Nyx's left side of her neck” Awkward phrasing.
-- Similarly it was = Similarly, it was :: Comma needed

Finally tally: 46.5 + 10.5 = 57 HP