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03-24-2015, 11:19 AM
i am the vanguard of your destruction
It feels like someone slamming a door shut in your face, between one heartbeat and the next. It's like they just walk out the room, no, more like storm out because it's not just them changing—it's so tangible it's unreal, like someone jolts you out of the mental space you've been occupying, leaving you in the dust to wonder what the hell had happened, because it happened so fast. One moment he was spitting out bark and her name and just feeling that mounting anger that Psyche was dead (and, that other, shameful anger, too, the one directed at himself), and in the next he had gone as cold as she, frozen over in his surprise, retreating into the depths of himself at lightning speed.
But there had been one moment—one moment of expression, a muddled mess of surprise, wariness, and pain. One moment of all those things crowding his blue eyes, but then it was gone, startled away by the sudden shift in the atmosphere.
Fuck, 'Shia, I'm sorry. He hadn't meant to—he hadn't wanted to hurt her but what else could it be, if not that? What else would've made her pull back so fast, and so deep? She bore nothing on her face, nothing in her eyes, and it was like she wasn't even there anymore. It was just a body, just a shell, and the sweat was just sweat and meant nothing at all anymore.
Her curious eyes were dulled, her gait sort of uneven as she lumbered towards him, horn aiming for a kill he was willing to give her.
He'd seen this before. He'd done this before, and it hurt, and he hated himself for it. It wasn't that she was shutting him out (we're barely even friends).
It was that he made her shut him out.
And her voice was so cold, such a contrast to his memories of her. Those memories were all heat and warmth, and here—here, there were only glaciers, not even a blizzard, because it was so calm. Just dead and frozen and he stood there trapped like a deer in headlights, staring at her with eyes as frigid as hers, and just as guarded. ".. I find it hard to believe that I am the actual issue here."
He heard it in her tone, and he heard it in the silence—this is where you speak, and try to right the wrongs, or just punch the stiletto deeper into the gap she'd so carelessly left him.
We're all walking around with daggers sticking out between ribs, left there by those who weren't brave enough to either punch them all the way in, or pull them out again.
So what's it gonna be, Frosthjärta?
"I'm sorry," he heard himself saying, body still a statue but something of life in his quiet voice. But then the silence came rolling back in, still pregnant with the words he hadn't said, and the words he meant to say, but they died upon his tongue as his heart wasn't brave enough. It was still his silence though, each breath hitching like he was about to speak but never did.
She was nothing to him—she was the mother of one of his children, a hot day on a beach, confined to memory.
She was no close friend. Not trusted. Not important in any way other than the fact she was a living, breathing creature with a heart suspended in her chest; she was important because she, too, could feel, and bleed. 'Brows crowded over pale eyes and he stared into the deepening darkness, wishing he could just turn time back and remove himself the moment he caught sight of her.
Running. It never solved your problems up until now, did it, Mauja?
The corner of his mouth curled into a bleak and bitter smile.
"You remind me of someone," he said after what felt like a second but in reality could've been so much more. "And the revelation made me question the effect you have on me." He turned his eyes back to her. They were unforgiving in their intensity. "Like, I don't know.. whether it's honest or not," and when the silence came again it wasn't his anymore—and his eyes had grown softer, sadder, slipped past her again and away, thinking of flames curling around a black body and leaving nothing but ashes in its wake.
And the yawning chasm of sorrow opened its maw beneath him and swallowed him whole, heart and all, until his held breath turned into a strangled gasp and he forgot everything but the overwhelming realization that Psyche is dead.
He'd set her on fire himself but it wasn't until then, in that moment, that he truly understood that she was never coming back.
[ @[Sialia], I couldn't really work it into the post but by the end he's sort of just staring vacantly straight ahead and he's definitely getting teary-eyed :/ ]
But there had been one moment—one moment of expression, a muddled mess of surprise, wariness, and pain. One moment of all those things crowding his blue eyes, but then it was gone, startled away by the sudden shift in the atmosphere.
Fuck, 'Shia, I'm sorry. He hadn't meant to—he hadn't wanted to hurt her but what else could it be, if not that? What else would've made her pull back so fast, and so deep? She bore nothing on her face, nothing in her eyes, and it was like she wasn't even there anymore. It was just a body, just a shell, and the sweat was just sweat and meant nothing at all anymore.
Her curious eyes were dulled, her gait sort of uneven as she lumbered towards him, horn aiming for a kill he was willing to give her.
He'd seen this before. He'd done this before, and it hurt, and he hated himself for it. It wasn't that she was shutting him out (we're barely even friends).
It was that he made her shut him out.
And her voice was so cold, such a contrast to his memories of her. Those memories were all heat and warmth, and here—here, there were only glaciers, not even a blizzard, because it was so calm. Just dead and frozen and he stood there trapped like a deer in headlights, staring at her with eyes as frigid as hers, and just as guarded. ".. I find it hard to believe that I am the actual issue here."
He heard it in her tone, and he heard it in the silence—this is where you speak, and try to right the wrongs, or just punch the stiletto deeper into the gap she'd so carelessly left him.
We're all walking around with daggers sticking out between ribs, left there by those who weren't brave enough to either punch them all the way in, or pull them out again.
So what's it gonna be, Frosthjärta?
"I'm sorry," he heard himself saying, body still a statue but something of life in his quiet voice. But then the silence came rolling back in, still pregnant with the words he hadn't said, and the words he meant to say, but they died upon his tongue as his heart wasn't brave enough. It was still his silence though, each breath hitching like he was about to speak but never did.
She was nothing to him—she was the mother of one of his children, a hot day on a beach, confined to memory.
She was no close friend. Not trusted. Not important in any way other than the fact she was a living, breathing creature with a heart suspended in her chest; she was important because she, too, could feel, and bleed. 'Brows crowded over pale eyes and he stared into the deepening darkness, wishing he could just turn time back and remove himself the moment he caught sight of her.
Running. It never solved your problems up until now, did it, Mauja?
The corner of his mouth curled into a bleak and bitter smile.
"You remind me of someone," he said after what felt like a second but in reality could've been so much more. "And the revelation made me question the effect you have on me." He turned his eyes back to her. They were unforgiving in their intensity. "Like, I don't know.. whether it's honest or not," and when the silence came again it wasn't his anymore—and his eyes had grown softer, sadder, slipped past her again and away, thinking of flames curling around a black body and leaving nothing but ashes in its wake.
And the yawning chasm of sorrow opened its maw beneath him and swallowed him whole, heart and all, until his held breath turned into a strangled gasp and he forgot everything but the overwhelming realization that Psyche is dead.
He'd set her on fire himself but it wasn't until then, in that moment, that he truly understood that she was never coming back.
[ @[Sialia], I couldn't really work it into the post but by the end he's sort of just staring vacantly straight ahead and he's definitely getting teary-eyed :/ ]
