When she started to scream back at me, it felt like it was all over. For one brief glimmering instant, I realized that regardless of how badly I got my ass beat today, it would be okay. And do you know why? Because it's my first fight! Surely everyone is bound to lose their first fight? (A nagging voice in the back of my mind reminds me that Father probably didn't. Father, the undefeated, probably never experienced this agonizing worry and fear. He always knew what to do. Apparently I had not received the innate fighting gene the way Zenobia did.) As Roskuld's screams reach my ears, I let myself sink into the reassuring thought that no one could possibly expect me to win. There is no standard or bar that I need to meet, there are no expectations. It is reassuring, and almost a little calming.

I don't have a lot of time to think on this, because our bodies have just collided and all I can see is the super-imposed image of Ros's teeth and tongue blurring over everything, and all I can feel is the shock and pain of having run smack dab into something running right at me. I can't think of my attack as successful, because my shoulder is now screaming with pain. She's shorter than I am, and having never considered where we would actually impact each other, I hadn't realized that it would be the meaty, muscly part of my shoulder that would hit her, rather than the slightly stronger bony part. I gasp for air as my long legs pull me away from her. I vaguely recall (or at at least I think I do) seeing her slow down. Everything is a blur. She could have sprouted two heads for all I know. Panic has gripped me now, and there's no turning back. I can feel my breathing quicken, and it's making me feel light-headed. Or perhaps that's the pain in my shoulder, I don't actually know. Though I am quickly realizing that I am not good at dealing with pain, even minor bruises.

I am too lost in my own chaotic mind to realize that Ros must have stopped, or at least slowed down, and is now moving the same direction as I am. I'm not sure why I thought that perhaps everything would stop now, but I must have, because I was entirely unprepared to feel her face pressed against my neck, and her teeth pulling at my skin. I heard a scream leave my lips as unbearable pain shot up and down my neck. (In hindsight I might say that the pain wasn't so bad; it was bad, but not crazy bad. Not worth screaming about the way I was. But you have to understand, at this point in my life, this was the worst pain I'd ever felt.) Instinctively I tried to throw myself to the right, away from her. My wings flailed from my sides to try and aid with balance - then again if I smacked her with my left one I wouldn't mind.

The calm serenity of knowing that I would lose this fight and that that was okay had entirely disappeared. I now realized that the only way I would be in a position to tell Father that at least I had fought was if I made it home alive. I thought this fight would stop after the first hit, but it hadn't. How many more would it take? Would she keep coming, all screams and teeth and that horrible tongue lolling out of her mouth? Would she keep throwing lightning at me, then biting me? Was she trying to cook me? Oh Gods is that why she was licking her lips?! The thought was nonsensical but it instilled fear in me just the same.

In the milliseconds that it took for these thoughts to take hold of me, I realized that I did not want to die here. And that meant making her stop long enough to get away.

I felt my head lower as my body continued to move slightly to the right, still propelled by my flailing away from her. I really wasn't sure where she was, other than vaguely behind me somewhere, so my buck wasn't very well aimed. I kicked out with both my hind legs, which I realized immediately was a stupid decision. My front left shoulder squealed with pain as I forced it to endure more weight, and my right thigh echoed that call as it extended. Having no experience dealing with pain, I felt my lips open as I screamed, as if somehow the sound of my voice would be able to dull the pain I was feeling.

It didn't work.