I feel my hooves connect with something, and I immediately feel a wash of contradictory emotions. On the surface, high above all the others, is concern. Have I hurt her? One hoof felt like it pushed something, like whatever I hit gave way slightly. I've never bucked at anyone before, other than just playing around (and even then, not really), and so I don't know what body parts feel like when you kick them. Was it her face? As worry percolates inside of me, something darker and uglier begins to form as well. Shame. I am here to win, to please Father and show the herd that I am not just useless. To show the bird-lady that I can be brave. And what do I do, when I land my first real attack? I feel sorry about it. So so far I've got concern and fear, but the duo is about to become a trio, as an emotion which I don't think I've ever felt before in my life blossoms inside of me. Not in my heart, but in my head, and it swamps the other two.

Lust. The need to show Father I am not weak. The need to feel my body have a physical effect on Roskuld's, to make it recoil and scream. It's a hot and dark feeling, and it crowds my mind and my senses. I don't know anything about sex yet, but this feeling isn't a sexual lust. It's a blood lust. It has come at a good time too, because as I tried to run away, I hear her scream at me to hit her again. There's clearly no way of running from this (again, the thought to just fly away hasn't crossed my mind), and due to my inexperience I don't actually know how to end something like this. So, the only thing that there's left to do is just face her. And given this new poison rushing through my veins, suddenly that doesn't seem so scary.

I turn inwards, meaning to continue my momentum in a circle as I'm suddenly caught off guard by another of her lightning-attacks. Again, I show my inexperience in the ring as I assumed she would have let me turn around and face her: like a stand off. I didn't realize she was going to try and take me out when my back was turned. I feel pain well up in my right thigh once again, only this time it feels even worse than the first time she did it - likely because she hit me in relatively the same spot. The muscle which was just starting to cease its screaming with every step resumed almost immediately. I heard my breath catch in my throat as tears began to well up in my eyes. I couldn't help it - it stung. Whatever bloodlust I was feeling didn't help to diminish the pain.

All of a sudden I can hear myself screaming, and it's the weirdest thing, almost as though I'm a bystander in my own body. I can feel the pain in my right hind leg and, slightly more distantly, pain in my front left, but it's just that: distant. I'm feeling it, but I'm not really feeling it, if you know what I mean. My lungs burn as I continue to scream, and I don't even care that I can barely see because of the tears, or that snot is dripping down my muzzle. I don't care that her horns could probably slice right into my heart (actually, the thought hasn't really crossed my mind). All I care about is satisfying the dark red feeling that has taken over my head and body. Somewhere deep inside, I know that if I can hit her, it will help.

Still I'm screaming as I race (aka half limp, half run) towards her. Now the pulsing pain in my body has synced up with my heartbeat. I hear the pounding of my own blood in my ears, like a war drum pushing me forward. I want to slam my right shoulder into her own - I am bigger than she is, and right now I feel entitled to this attack. She hit me, and now it's my turn to hit her back.

I know I probably look crazy - all half burning and snotty - but I don't care. I brace for impact with the absurd hope that I will somehow body-check her right out of the clearing. I am bigger after all, it could happen.