ROSKULD
Realism [+2.5]
Great eye for fight mechanics with well timed and realistic attacks and defenses. I was looking for some more injury description in her third post as to just what all happened and was damaged when he kicked her - not just the area, which you described well, but the effects (bruising, fracture, torn skin, etc.) and you took a bit too much damage in your fourth post considering you said he actually lifted you off the ground, but you only rolled a 2 damage. Some mentions of breed reference, particularly to Rhoa’s height and girth, but no attention paid to terrain or your stats differences.


Emotion [+2.5]
I loved her emotion all throughout your posts, but especially in your second one. She’s a delight to read because she draws you in and you just feel everything with her.


Prose [+3]
You have lovely prose and it all flows well, but some sentence structure is sacrificed for it.


Readability [+2]
All posts were readable and easy to understand. Just a few typos and a lack of description regarding her starting position in comparison to Rhoa (head on, behind, from the side…). A couple typos and a habit of run-on sentences, but nothing major. Please try and add an ooc note of the record’s description for your magic if you use it (referring to her lightning bolt magic for her 2 attacks).

P2:
“...straightened my out my legs…” (remove first my)
“...still moving passed me…” (past)
“...range, a was roaring…” (I)

P3:
“...well passed that point…” (past)


Finally tally: 36.5+(10*2)= 56.5 HP


RHOA
Realism [+2.5]
Very realistic responses to attacks and defenses with good timing, although I would have liked more explanation for why Rhoa charged her in his first attack, given how scared you made him out to be. I loved his intimidation attempts. Good damage was always taken, but sometimes the descriptions for the injuries were lacking - I know it was all pretty low damage, but I wanted more clarification on if we’re dealing with bruises, swelling, sore muscles etc. Some mentioned of height difference in your last post, but otherwise their height and stat differences were mostly ignored (except in your first post you said he wasn’t fast enough, despite his speed being higher than hers). Terrain was also barely touched upon, if at all.


Emotion [+3]
Really great emotion all throughout the fight. I enjoyed the terror and inexperience with this being his first fight.


Prose [+3]
Excellent prose within each post. Some sentence structure was sacrificed for style, but mostly correct.


Readability [+2.5]
Posts very readable and easy to understand. You used directional words well, and had minor typos and a little tense switching. Please try and add an occ note of the record’s description for your magic if you use it (referring to his passive magic when he was using his burning wings to distract her).

P1:
“...pulsed and glowered like burning embers…” (glowed)

P2:
“And that meant making her stop long enough to get away.” (And not necessary, makes it seem like a fragment)


Finally tally: 39+(11*2)= 61 HP