Johnny

Alright, alright, alright!

Do you ever get the feeling that you’ve stumbled into a new land? A new place with whole new rules and magics and all of that fun stuff? Because I just got that feeling. Like a little shiver down my wee spine. I swear to Cadbury that when I passed that tree right there I had passed into somewhere new.

Which is pretty exciting you know, because I haven’t been somewhere new in a while.

I wish I had brought Sunshine along with me, she would have made for some good company. But! Instead I’m all on my lonesome and have been spending the last season chatting with myself and let me tell you that’s not as exciting as it seems. At least I’ve kind of had company. You know, sitting up in the mind of my dear writer with all the other characters she never gets around to writing.

But we don’t care about them right now because hey, it’s my turn to shine. I get to stretch my legs somewhere knew and I’m just bouncing with excitement. There’s literally a chipper little bounce to my trot as I move among the forest. There’s some sunlight trickling through the canopy, making it all pretty with the late-blooming flowers and there’s a charming diversity among the trees. Which is great, honestly, beautiful. Love it.

However.

I want to see some horses or horse-like-things. I want some winged beauty of a man to come round that corner or a charming lass to come around the other. I’m not picky. I just need some conversation! Do you have any idea how long it’s been since someone’s licked me? I feel all shallow inside, like something’s missing. I’ve got this great gift (well not really) and no one around to share it with. Someone is bound to come. Since the weather is cooling off, I don’t smell so disgusting anymore and I’m not attracting nearly as many flies. There’s still a few, rolling around in the dust that settles along my back, but there’s nothing I can really do about that.

I just want a friend, alright? Is that so much to ask?

I slow my gait a bit though because I don’t want to pass right through this new, fantastic, totally exciting place without having met someone first. So those stocky little legs of mine pick up a meandering, exaggerated sort of walk. You know, like you’re a cartoon that’s sneaking around like you know someone is nearby but THEY can’t really see you. Although I’m not really sneaking around. It’s more of a “helllloooo! I’m right here and moving slowly! Come get me!” Kind of walk. You know?

I'm your sweet sugar Candyman