i won't be saved

my eyelids are heavy, constantly closing and fluttering open in surprise, sleep's gentle hand forcing them shut over and over. but then the lurking fear of the darkness consumed me and i'm jolted awake and forced into a state of pure panic and anguish. it had been a month or so since seele's passing but it still haunts me every day and night, my dreams haunted by terrifying possibilities, sia's head thumping down a hill with the Skinwalker placing a hoof to her rib cage. the expression embedded on her face one of purest fear. seele's body burning, sia being torn apart by the shadows. all the nightmares caused me to wake up sweaty and sobbing, uncontrollably trembling.

it was night, sammie waking me up from the random tree i'd slept beneath by screaming through our mental bond. i had been in and out of the throat, following sia and being useless. i felt unwanted and unneeded, useless and pathetic. i was like that broken piece of a machine that slowed everything down, dragging along and creaking to my own little tune. i was dreary and sad, weak and stupid. i just toddled around sia like a lost puppy, or a weak child who has only ever seen the world from behind her mother's body.

sammie beckoned after following sia, constantly sending mental images to me with sia doing various things, standing at the edge of the shore and walking into the water slowly and casually. my eyes widen, watching as her head sinks below the waves, the faint glowing blue of her horn growing dull. panic sets in as i watch, my breathing growing rapid as i rush forward and launch into the sky despite the dull throb of my left wing.

i fly as fast as i can, crying out in despair as i lose my friend, my stomach churning as i slam into the sandy earth, wings flapping helplessly as i run forward, my scratched up knees burning in the salt water. i stand and panic, running along the beach frantically and screaming. i pray that she wasn't dead, that somehow she was still okay.

something's touching my leg- what the fuck is it. Looking down, a small blue octopus clings to my left foreleg, curiosity and fear bubbling up all within me. i start kicking my leg out and shouting, screeching at the weird animal that stuck to me. i race forward, calling for sammie who just barks quietly and sits next to an oddly shaped mound of sand. stopping, i realize it's sia. a small smile spreads to my face as i move forward, whispering to her. "could you uhm.. get this off?" i nudge at her side, making sure she was okay. "and.. where'd you go? i was really worried.." a stupid smile crawls across my face as i look down at her, nose pressed to her wet side.

@[Sikeax] • you know exactly where hobgoblin is :|