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The wall between us had grown thick and cold. If I were to press my cheek against the stone, I would hear nothing but the restive beating of my own heart. Everything he said was true. There was nothing to keep us together and no reason to believe that the future might conceal some other different fate. Perhaps this was goodbye… Wasn’t that what we’d been aiming for all along? I didn’t care where we’d come from or what we’d done since then but, I’d finally opened my eyes. I’d finally seen beyond my ingrained prejudices and my own selfish opinions. Maybe that was all I could ask of Ulrik; he’d already done his part in keeping me in the Basin after all… At least they wouldn’t have a Hidden Falls Sleuth at their backs any longer, as humorous as the idea may have sounded. Though I would miss who I was as a Sleuth and as a part of something greater… I would miss it all. Again I would lead this separate life in hopes of discovering the parts of my soul that had gone missing so many years ago. I had to keeping pushing against the forces that sought to slow me…
That was strength right?
Romul bristled at the thought and I looked toward the wolf with as much empathy as I could muster. This was not something that could be resolved in the presence of another, despite my reluctance to ignore his plaintive whines. Again, I would have to console the great wolf while he defied his pack mentality and again I would have to shield myself from the whiplash of his anger. I was his partner and his constant, beloved friend, but he was still born a creature of habit just as I. I couldn’t blame him for wanting something inherent to his species and it pained me to rob him of comforts he so desired… it pained me to the core.
In the passing moments of silence that stemmed and flowered between myself and the Engineer, I felt increasingly uncomfortable. The tension was nearly tangible as it radiated from within my bones and outward; I was at a loss for words. Although, I was still intrigued by his interest in me… he struck me as a rather reclusive individual, but he’d taken the time to trail me into the Fields- was it because he cared? I couldn’t imagine a man like Ulrik admiring anything other than his machines. He’d barely flinched at the sight of death. He’d been more fearful of the implications it involved than of Midas’ dying…
Yet, could I blame him? What would I have done, given his shoes to wear? It felt almost nonsensical that I held a sword meant for his heart when it was not one man who had brought down an entire Kingdom. I was entirely too selfish and too stubborn to admit my follies however. But, at least I was intelligent enough to curve their intent until we parted ways… “You’re right, but it doesn’t make the outcome any better, because I wanted to fight. I wanted to defend what was mine, no matter the odds… I don’t give up on things,” I murmured quietly, although it appeared to be toward no in particular. It was like I was trying to convince myself of my own worth, my own courage. How many times had I faced trials in life and found a way to win, to overcome? “My presence would have made a difference…” I started. “My part might not have meant victory, but I would have meant one more- I would have meant one more fighter to shield the blows, one more fighter to throw weight into the harness that pulled our family… Win or lose, I wanted to be among them, I wanted to share their pride or their sadness, and most of all I wanted to be there when the call to battle sounded. It might be my pride that compels me, and maybe that’s misguided influence, but I don’t mind. I was born to serve a greater purpose and I’d thought I’d found it,” I finished quietly.
“I don’t think you understand what motivates me or what pushes me to want and strive for more. I would have gone down trying Ulrik… and instead I was forced to endure the anxiety and the unrest, worried over something I was yet unaware of. It was that lack of knowledge that angers me the most… I needed to know what I was coming home to, because it was in fact my home, no matter how weak or unstable it was,” I started, growing louder. My voice seemed to rise with Ulrik himself, carrying me above the clouds until I touched freedom.
“I think that if I’d known, it would have made all the difference. I just think that you were afraid to find out what lengths I’d been willing to go to in order to ensure my family’s safety… and I think that’s what draws you to me Ulrik the Engineer. I will stop at nothing to do what I believe in…” I pressed. “If you were to ask me why you’d lost your home by a breadth, I would tell you it was because you didn’t fight hard enough, because you didn’t believe strong enough… I might have too much faith for my own good and I might feel a little too strongly, but I am everything I’ve ever dreamed of. I don’t need to know anything about you Ulrik, because it’s not mine to know. Yet, I am willing to show you my world- who I am. I want to forget the World’s Edge and the Hidden Falls and the Aurora Basin; we are but mere beings on this planet and alliances do not define us,” I stated while stepping forward, despite the resentment and the anger that had formerly possessed me.
“I see everything in time… and I am only learning, as you are too,” I finished resolutely. I wasn’t sure if he’d understand me or what I stood for, but if he did, then he would see that I was a woman who felt and who acted and who did when others would not. I did not comply to another’s rule simply because they required, I complied because it was something I felt passionate about. I lived and breathed as an individual and that was something that even the Hidden Falls could not take away from me. I had all that I would ever need within my own soul- within Romul’s. It didn’t matter how much life hurt me and made me think that I would not recover… I would always find a way. “Don’t be sorry… I already forgive you,” I soothed quietly.
I had but a few short steps until I was finally at his side, working to regain his confidence and his favor, as it had once been. Would I ever be allowed to rest a cheek against his shoulder… as I had when we first met? |
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