Cathun came. Of course he came. He seemed to be there with her always - and she did not resent it for a second. She was learning more about him at every interaction, but he was consistent in the faces he showed. Sometimes insecure, most of the time he posed a proud front and other times he stared off into another world, a world where she suspected, he ruled all, and all worked the way he wanted it to.. A world she sadly had to wonder whether she fit in at all, and if she did, in what capacity?

The quiet arrival of her mother's dragon was a comfort to her heart. At Akaith's murmured greeting to her own spiritual guide, Amaris knew the shadowed mistress was not far away, and with amusement lightening her heart for a single beat, she watched as the stars above them fought against the morning light and shone over the Moon's lands.

The feelings of comfort did not last long. Cathun spoke his part, and another, and then..

Then, he came and Amaris felt herself go stiff. Was it fright that seized her, or a wariness that froze her? Was it Mauja's own magic, magic she wasn't even aware of, freezing her blood, her heart, her organs, from the inside out, rooting her to the spot -
- like it had rooted Torasin's body to the floor of the Deep Forest.

She shivered then, feeling the harsh hatred of his words like bullets of hail raining down upon her. Somehow, even the insults he directed at others (her mother, her brother/friend, the Qian and its ideals), she took upon herself. And the worst part was - she believed him.

Somehow, what he had said had got inside of her, and nourished the small seed of doubt that naturally plagued her, as it plagued every living being. But this seed grew with the dark words he bespoke, until it germinated, spread it roots and found other doubts to feed on, before blossoming into a dark cloud of fear and insecurity.

Everything she had said, everything she had believed not minutes before, seemed entirely inconsequential now. The idea of her ever being a queen - it was no idea she held anymore.

Numbly, she was aware of her mother's words and others speaking. Blankly, she followed Kahlua's lead, pausing on her departure only to touch Cathun and her mother silently in farewell with the softness of her muzzle. With a quiet surprise she accepted the company of Akaith on her journey - her mother would surely want to know the outcome… But surely they would see the vacant stare; they would know, surely, the unworthiness that lived inside of her, the sheer impossibility that was her ever gaining a crown in any walk of her life, now or in the future. She was unworthy, and nothing would change that. Not now, not ever.

---

She met the sands and the Sun again with guilt and remorse darkening her heart and her features. Gaucho would know of her desertion, she hadn't had time to speak to him of her decision - how would it look?

Bad.

The dragonmare met his hard stare with a sorry cast to her own crown, a pleading behind her golden eyes that begged him to understand, to forgive.

I am a fool, a rotten and unworthy fool, her own dark mantra sung on repeat, an endless cycle that gripped her and pulled her down into depths she couldn't possibly bear and still be standing. And yet, there she was, standing before the Sultan, her Khal, bowing her tiara to a level she hoped portrayed the terrible burden of rash decisions and foolish, youthful thinkings.

She heard Kahlua's instructions and accepted them with a nod, awaiting her turn to speak, before…

"Gaucho," she began, her voice cracking over the word, tripping across the two syllables like a babe learning sounds for the first time. With a light cough, she began again. "I am a fool and I am sorry. When I heard of what happened at the Edge.. I could not sit idle, I had do something - but I.." she paused, looking to the crowd, looking at the frozen, glacial eyes of Mauja and feeling the sharpness of his words strike somewhere deep and sore within her. "I was wrong," she said at last, quietly, turning her gaze back to her Sultan.

"I made a terrible, rash and foolish decision." Amazing just how many synonyms there are to describe the awful cretin that I have become, she thought sourly, though the dragons that accompanied her were both blocked from being able to reply - Akaith by the fact that her bond stretched only to Mirage, and the spirit dragon by the bounds of Amaris' own magic. She wanted not to hear their thoughts, she feared she couldn't bear it, and so she shut them out, stubbornly.

"I had hoped to rise as the Edge's new queen and use my love for Dragon's Throat to foster an alliance, a friendship where both parties mutually gained, like in the times of the Qian and the Tuuli. Given Kahlua's scenario, I would then come here in a time of need and hope that a simple request of aid would fulfil the needs of my herd."

She stopped again, shaking her tiara before continuing on.

"But I was wrong. I am no queen, and I am unworthy of your re-acceptance into the Throat, though I ask it of you now."

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Tagging [Cathun] because he was mentioned, obv no need to reply xD