*"But—If you just found it, either it wasn't meant for you ... or it was. If it wasn't, then it wouldn't have bonded to you. And if it was then blah blah blah facts and musing and I’m still talking.”*

Furreal tho. This bitch had a way of thinking about shit that didn’t even concern her. Like, fuck. Shut up. Jeez. Life’s hard enough without mulling over the shit over and over again.

Just….ugh, whatever. It’s whatever. I fixed my face and the rising impatience while you kind of trilled on my head, your feet gripping me and walking down the roots of my mane as a sort of make-shift massage against my neck. I dunno how comfortable owl talons really are but they were doing the job well enough anyway. I breathed in cool air—and breathed out hot shit.
I wasn’t here to be angry. I wasn’t…well, let’s be honest. I never really figured out what drove me here in the first place, did I? I had spewed some half-assed theories but, as always, I was following my gut, and I’m not sure if I’ve learned yet if that was a good idea or not.

I walked forward into the cavern—cuz I had stopped, frozen by the eerie light that shifted even as I looked, soft and enticing and beautiful if the place hadn’t been so tragic. It was like it had been preserved since I had walked out with Lee all those moons ago; the shards were there and so was everything and it was like I was walking in a memory. And just like a memory feelings were welling up without my say-so; my heart changed its beating and something heavy dropped in my stomach and my whole flesh was feeling tender, like there was a new wound stretching across my soul that had just begun to heal over instead of the long, grey, ropy scar that actually existed—

--but then there was another light added to the scenery and at once I was furious--because it was a light that hadn’t been there in my memories, a light that distorted the room and everything that was happening in my head, so it was the future--no--it was now. And just as quickly as my rage rose, it subsided back into the folds of my body, because maybe this was a good thing, wasn’t it? It was now. It would always be now. And I guess that little acorn charm up there would force that through my thick skull and keep me from being rooted to the past.

I walked deeper into the cavern—I didn’t care about walking over the shards, and they crunched beneath my feet as your eyes, wide and wondering, gazed on every side, at every facet of every crystal. You questioned me—but your questions were tiny cuz you knew my head was wrapped up over some heavy shit and I wasn’t trying to ignore you but I can only handle one complicated shit at a time.

The repla—the—um, girl behind me stammered her shock that there were shards all over the ground—but I didn’t answer her question, not quickly, cuz I was still walking about with that solemn air of stepping through something serious and quiet, like a funeral.

I’m…not sure why I was drawn there, of all places. But my footsteps led me to the far wall, wondering if I could find that place, that place where—

--ah. Yeah. There it is.

There wasn’t anything special about it, honestly. No markers, no scratches—nothing, and there was barely a depression in the bed of crystals lying in the ground that signified someone laid there. And the scents were so faint I had to press my nose damn-near against the stone to really pick anything up.

But I did.

I picked up my scent—and another that was etched and engraved in my memory.

I sighed, deeply, my head lowered next to the ground so my breath rattled the crystals that had been there, skittering them away from my hot blast of air. I was tempted to lie there again—but the alien light was telling me this is now, not then, and I was strong and sturdy enough to stay on my feet—so I did. Instead I touched the ground where I had shattered, my muzzle lifting and touching the wall, too, touching it softly and letting my mind well with…with calm things, they were calm, they weren’t raging this time bit it was still so sad--

--and I…I let those tears slip under my eyelids. I just…well…I wasn’t bawling like last time, I wasn’t shredded and torn up with bubbling guilt in my stomach and shoulder blades. I wasn’t consumed by the sudden, wrenching loss of my cousin in that moment. But he was gone, and I had hated myself and slit my own throat and starved myself and punished myself over his death—but I had never let myself grieve it.

So I guess that’s what I was doing now. My cousin was gone, my Big Toto was dead, and I was crying over him instead of the doom it had meant. I was crying over losing a big cousin I had admired, a big cousin I had lost touch with sometime during our lives; a cousin I had never had a chance to catch up with, and say sorry for being a brat, and tell him just how awesome I had ever thought he was, and how I had always wished to have his horns, his size, his kindness--

--and the tears were soundless as they slid down my cheeks; they were soft and short, too, mercifully short, because grieving doesn’t have to be a wet thing I guess, especially if it’s over something you’ve accepted. And yeah, I had to accept it. I had to accept he was gone, cuz if he wasn’t, it wouldn’t explain Nancy Drew’s little ass behind me with her Big Buff Boyfriend, asking questions and being offended over shattered crystals.

I sighed thickly; I still gazed at the wall, like I was thinking about it. “I did,” I finally answered her.

"talk"

Quit Hollerin' "Why God?", he ain't got shit to do with it.