ROSKULD
Realism [+2]
You have a good grip on realism with the attacks and dodges, and I really liked seeing the reaction you had to the knee bite, which definitely seemed like a real horse fight to me. I was disappointed to see you end your post just on the ground though, and with what felt like not enough injury given a damage roll of 5 - better closure would have helped, as that final post felt like they could have continued for several more rounds. I was also hoping for more usage and mention of the surroundings and breed/stat differences, even with them being pretty closely matched. Otherwise though, good responses and hits!


Emotion [+2]
I definitely felt like I was with Roskuld each time some feeling flared up for her, although I found it a bit difficult to believe she wanted to kill Astrasza just for waking her up from a nap.


Prose [+4]
Really excellent flow and wording all throughout your posts. Roskuld has a definitive style, but it’s not distracting from the body of the post.


Readability [+3]
Very readable and no grammar or spelling issues. Try to avoid using but/and to start sentences though, those are supposed to be transition words.


Finally tally: 49.5+(11*2)= 71.5 HP


ASTRASZA
Realism [+2]
You had some good moments of realism, but areas for improvement as well. For instance, I like the idea behind her trying to look bigger in your first post, but I don’t understand how her kneeling down would add to that effect? I also wanted more explanation of how she got up and dodged so fast, though I think taking the hit to the wind the way you did suited her damage roll and was realistic enough. However in your second post, a kikc to the face, at least the way you described it, seemed way more damaging than the 4 you rolled. Sometimes just a change in wording can make a difference though, like saying Roskuld just barely clipped her in the jaw, but it still hurt and so on and so forth, but your wording made it seem like she was kicked square in the jaw which is a huge deal - horses are very protective of their faces because they’re so sensitive.

“...fury as the monster's stride took it under the shadow of her wing and her blood splattered a trail down its back.” (mild PP, you can’t say for sure that blood dripped on Roskuld, only she can).

I liked that you brought up her hurt jaw again though multiple times, and how it would make her knee bite for Roskuld have less power. Also good use of the dust with your wings, though I wanted to see more mention and use of the surroundings and their breed/stat differences, especially since you did have the word count to fit it in. You finished the fight not standing, essentially pinned by Roskuld, which isn’t great, though i think it was realistic and your attacks in that position worked - this is the type of fight, with the way it ended at least, where I wish there was another post to see how they really finish it off.


Emotion [+1.5]
I definitely got hints of Astrasza in each post, but I also felt like I still didn’t understand all her motives and what she was feeling during the whole fight. I wanted more, but you were off to a good start!


Prose [+1]
Overall your posts felt very choppy and lacked a smooth flow between paragraphs or themes. Your imagery and detail was also lacking, making me crave for a lot more than was delivered.


Readability [-1]
I really struggled with each of your posts because they were littered with grammatical issues. You had lots of tense changes, improper comma usage, fragments, and just overall weird wording which made me have to re-read things multiple times. Similarly, but and and are supposed to be transition words, but you frequently use them to begin sentences, continuing the broken up feeling of the sentences. Try reading these posts aloud to see how your commas and periods and wording all fits together and whether it’s creating the pauses and breaks it should be.

There were too many to grammar issues to grab them all, but some typos are below.

P1:
“Astrasza watches her feet as she walks, each step her foot drove into the sand which gave no resistance to her weight.” (should be broken up into sentences, last bit is worded a bit weird)
“...drive the sand into a mount…” (mound?)
“...she spun around to the lunged…” (to lunge)

P2:
“But a delicate knee.” (fragment)

P3:
“Maybe if she's shown…” (she’d)


Finally tally: 43+(3.5*2)= 50 HP