Somehow I had made it back to the Throat but I couldn't really say how long it took me or what lands I even passed through. I think I walked, but maybe I flew, or maybe I did both. I don't remember but I do remember looking for Ryuu when I finally made it back, but I never was able to find him. I think part of me thought that he was off on a patrol, which I still didn't like. Another part figured that he was old enough to be out on his own if he wanted and there was nothing I could do to stop him. It was another weight added to my already broken down shoulders, something else to drive me farther into the dirt.
I gave up looking for Ryuu and I didn't even bother looking for Cera because I didn't want to face him. I didn't want to have to tell him that our father had died because I didn't want to see the look on his face. I didn't want to have to shoulder his heartbreak when I couldn't even handle my own. I just wanted to be left alone. I didn't want to be around anyone that could easily wear a smile and laugh and think that everything was fine with it wasn't. I had tried to put on a mask and look happy, I had tried to muster up fake cheerfulness when I was around others and it was exhausting. I didn't feel like doing it anymore. I couldn't. How could I when I just wanted to fall to pieces?
My hooves dragged through the sand as I walked and I admit that I wasn't paying any attention to where I was going. It wasn't until my hooves hit water that I realized that I couldn't go any farther. Well ... I could, but I would probably drown if I tried to swim from the Throat to Helovia's mainland because I didn't have the energy to, nor did I have the energy to fly. I hadn't been sleeping. At first it wasn't because I hadn't tried to sleep. I had, but every dream turned into a nightmare, haunted by the flash of lightning, the thundering crash of a body hitting the ground, the smell of charred flesh, and my dad's lifeless eyes. Eventually I gave up on trying to sleep and settled for short naps when my body insisted on it.
I stood for the longest time, the water lapping at my hooves as gentle as butterfly wings. For a few minutes I thought about wading into the water and letting it take me wherever and if I drowned ... I don't know. I didn't care. Eventually my exhaustion got the better of me and my legs folded, or maybe they buckled, and I hit the ground. I blinked my eyes, trying to stay awake but sleep eventually overtook me, right there on the beach.
"Talk."
@[Roskuld] and open to any!
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[O] in a perfect world this would never happen
