Essetia & Romul

I needed to calm down, you’re way too bold to love

Golden waves poured down from the autumn sun and tilted across the sand, producing an angelic glow that reminded me of summer. However, the light only reached so far, and dipped so low, until it was coaxed into the waters that surrounded what I assumed to be the Dragon’s Throat. At the water’s edge, small tufts of dried grasses fluttered and bent toward the breeze and I wondered what it would be like to dip a hoof into the lazy tide. Never before had I laid eyes on such dry, natural beauty, and yet I found it to be a place of familiarity. Nay, I had not set foot upon the desert sands, but somehow they beckoned to me with the promise of warmth and fulfillment. So many times I had promised to remain isolated, alone, but then my thoughts would stray to fantasies groomed and nurtured by my past. I was too weak to ignore my addiction for belonging, and though I believed myself a woman with too many stories to tell, I sought a fresh start.

The day was pressing toward high sun and I had travelled most of the night, searching for borders that were not mine, and yet suddenly I was upon them. However, I felt more like a fugitive than a refugee and my role in the Hidden Falls still lurked in my shadow, despite my many protests against its presence. It was like a weight that had fixed itself at my back, like a cart full of rocks asking to be dragged through the bog… What would they see in my heart when they pressed hands to my chest in order to solidify that I still lived? Would they witness the pain I’d suffered in spite of a false smile or would they simply fail to notice the ghostly apparition of the monster I now claimed to be? It was true, I wore my heart so often on my sleeve that I’d forgotten what it was like to wear the mask of indifference. I’d overlooked all my strength and settled on weaknesses that couldn’t be my own.

After all, I wasn’t a Sleuth for the Falls anymore and Midas had died. I could shed my fears in favor of adopting confidence and a new life entirely, even if it felt wrong. Right?

Though I had come in search of something else, there remained the idea of being robbed of such happiness. The World’s Edge, the Hidden Falls, and now the Dragon’s Throat… When would a sense of permanence last longer than the sweet honeymoon of relief? Perhaps that was why I allowed my walls to stand so high and to protect me from all who promised me safety. Security was just a word that implied too many things and I didn’t want my life to be based on assumptions. I wanted to know that if I drew my name in these sands that they would exalt me from fear and abandonment. I wanted to know that their leaders were strong and capable of withstanding invasion… Maybe that made me selfish and my expectations were too large, but what else had I come here for?

As Romul skirted the wide riverbed, I was content to watch him. At times his ears would tilt upward, listening to sounds that even I could not hear. At others, he would pause and lower his snout toward the rocky terracotta, searching for old remnants of those come and gone. I smiled while watching him prance to and fro and the wolf snorted and yipped in response, delighting in my admiration. He was such a beautiful creature and one that I should have naturally feared… but Romul had given himself to my command and I to his. Was that not the point I’d been trying to make to Ulrik all along? We trusted one another in a way that no one else would ever understand and we believed in that security… I no longer had to seek answers to the Engineer’s questions, because they were right here in front of me. I wanted to belong to a place that believed in me just as I believed in them and Romul.

Was the Dragon’s Throat all that I’d been praying for?