It was not Kaj's job to tell him what to do, nor was it fair of him to try and demand she do one thing over another. He was not her keeper nor her mate, merely her Czar. Though he cared for her, he could not pressure her in ways he would Resplendence or Quilyan. There were lines that Kaj always had to be careful not to cross, no matter how he desired to or what his instincts told him. As Czar he could not become overly familiar with his subjects, could not forsake their loyalties just because he was of a different mold. Kaj could not handle their questioning, their doubts in his strength and emotional fortifications. 

So though her turning away from him was not something he desired, and though he would have wanted to see her face and know what she was thinking, he allowed her the privacy she so clearly needed to console herself. Time, distance...whatever it was she needed of him, Kaj would do his best to give her that. Confliction be damned, she was part of his herd and his family and had chosen to follow him faithfully to this new herd. He at least owed her that. 

Though it seemed at least his words still had weight and merit, for she pressed her bare forehead to his chest. If the feel of his skin could give her gravity and center once more, he'd allow her the touch for as long as she needed. It hurt to see all his family so hurt and ravaged by their own masochistic internal thoughts. Resplendence, Brisa, Aeolus, Ilios, Parelia...had he failed them somehow?

Just as he went to murmur that she did not need to thank him, her words cut off on a telling phrase. One that had Kaj's eyes widening and head craning towards her in shock. One he'd never anticipated hearing at all, likely ever. He'd lived his life sure of the fact that loneliness was the only friend and mate he'd ever have. Even the Gods had seemed to agree that his soul was not meant to be bonded, something Helovians sought almost feverishly since foalhood. Either Kaj was too wholesome, too grounded of a soul, or he was broken beyond even the repair of the immortals. 

But watching as she cut her sentence and shamefully turned her head away, he wondered if she even believed in her own words. If they were born of anything more than pure emotional catharsism. It hurt worse to imagine that she was ashamed to love him, than to think that he was incapable of being loved at all. "You can't even say it," he murmured softly, eyes pained and crinkled at the corners. "If your tongue cannot bear the weight of it, how can your heart?" And it hurt to say, to look at the love she offered and know that he was neither deserving of it nor allowed to indulge in it. Not when her confession seemed to have surprised her as much as it had Kaj. He withdrew his wing from her, wondering who was hurting worse as his heart throbbed to part from her, eyes downcast to avoid gazing upon her face. Lest he break and allow her to love him hot and evanescent, prepare himself for the image of her back retreating. 

"And Ciceron? What of him? You are mates. How can I allow myself to return your feelings, knowing I am ripping apart your family? He will hate me, thinking I planned this all the moment I was there to welcome Areli into this world." Something Kaj had certainly never done. His eyes, however, were undoubtedly moist. Shoulders hunched protectively, as if his bodily mass could finally have purpose to make a physical barrier between the world and his battered heart. Too many careless mares had kicked it into the dust, he couldn't bear for Parelia to do it again.

OOC