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The salt in the air brings a sting to your soft nostrils, a dryness to the back of your throat. It is deeply that you breathe in, eyes closing as gentle gusts of bitingly cold wind lick the damp lines on your cheeks, pulls your hair in to wild arcs that dance listlessly. The sky looms over you as heavy as your heart, colorless and gray; its coldness reflecting in the sea sprawled before you. It reminds you nothing of what once was your home, as you had thought, hoped, craved. You had always meant to go back, one day. Back to the warm sand, the sea -- the halls filled with memories of what had been, empty promises of what should have continued to be. You had always meant to go back, from the second you had left that ghost of a good thing, maybe hoping that it would all be a dream. That you would return and your brother would be there with his stories and his songs and his love, no longer a corpse rotting beneath summer suns, Ama with her patience, Da with his understanding. That it would all just... be. You, indeed, had hoped. You had clutched to the idea with a desperateness that you hadn't ever known before, afraid to accept the truth, too heartbroken, too consumed. For months it had been the moment before the fall; you held your breath, heart quaking within your throat, so swollen that it hurt, your mind too busy to know what you were thinking anymore, your body too tense to remember how to relax. Maybe you had thought that that was what you were supposed to do, keep alive their memory by holding on to every ounce of them that you could, until too weak, too tired, incapable of keeping your grasp, they would fade into nothingnness. It had been a sudden realization that had brought you here, so far from home. The sudden realization that the numbness in your chest had started to reside, replaced by the fragile, budding happiness you had found in the frigid north, so different from everything you had known. You had always meant to go back, to cement your fears in to stone, to abolish your foolish hope, and bury them along with your heavy, heavy heart so that it wouldn’t hurt anymore. But you are beyond that now. Slowly you step forwards, body sinking ever so slightly into the cold sand with each step, stopping only once you reach the water’s edge. It is cool as it pushes against your ankles just to pull away again, and a small, sad smile creases along your lips. "I'm sorry--" -- sorry for abandoning everything. For losing you in the first place. This goodbye would have to be enough. |
* @[Misael] sorry about this sad excuse for a post.
they'll get better, i promise~!
they'll get better, i promise~!
please tag enna in every post
violence permitted barring permanent injury / death
