Johnny

So if I learned anything at the herd meeting it was that there were a whole bunch of damn fine ladies and gents populating this winter wonderland and you know what? I don’t know most of them. And you know what else? That’s a severe enough crime that I should be thrown into pony jail for it and never allowed parole. I mean really, this is supposed to be my new home, right? I might as well get to know my roommates.

Okay so I really really want to get to know my roommates because if they are half as interesting as d’Artagnan then I bet we’re going to have a fabulous time here. And they all seem, from the herd meeting, like a pretty groovy bunch! Pumped doesn’t even cover it. I’m like, so far past pumped I’m almost bursting. I’m the best blow up job on an air mattress that you’ve ever seen. Oh yeah that’s right, that’s how pumped I am. It’s pretty intense.

I honestly just can’t get over how ridiculously luck I am that I was invited here. This place is the winter of all winters and I have a feeling that the insects have frozen so completely that they’ll never live again. Bliss!! Do you have any idea how terrible it is smelling the way I do in the summer? Flies of all species, bees, whatever else you can think of, they all flock toward dear Johnny. It’s disgusting. I mean there’s also the issue of melting a little bit under the warmth of the sun but the bugs man. The bugs.

I’m having a pretty great day so far. It’s still early morning - the sun hasn’t even risen above the mountains yet, not that it gets very high above them this time of year. Everything is grey - the sky is grey which makes the snow look a little darker than it really is. The best thing about everything being grey? All of us, all of us wonderful creatures, just pop right out. I pretty much always stand out, you know, because I’m too incredible not to be noticed, but the rest of the herd stand out now too! And there’s a lot of them, in all sort of shades.

Am I staring? I guess I am. I’m just sort of chilling near the hot springs - not daring to go in them unless the Basin would like some peppermint tea - but figuring that someone will come to hang out near the heat eventually. It’s early in the morning, perfect time for a dip right? And oh look, since I’m so conveniently located, I guess they’ll get a bath AND a conversation. So great right?

Oh, except maybe I shouldn’t look like I’m waiting for someone. Maybe I should be inconspicuous. Looking around to make sure no one was watching, I very slowly lower myself down into the snow - it crunched down under my body - and I start humming to myself. Because if I hum, it could be any old day and I could be here for any old reason. Looking everywhere except for the direction that someone is most likely to come from.

Totally not just waiting to spring on the first face to come along so I can pounce...

I'm your sweet sugar Candyman