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08-12-2015, 09:56 PM
I'm tired
I'm so tired
not from a lack of sleep
but from a sheer amount of disbelief
She's not gone. I can feel it, she's still here. But isn't that what everyone wants me, the young boy who "doesn't understand death yet" to think? I understand death damn fine. I don't need you to explain that she left me. It would make that sound like she did it voluntarily. And I know that she would never do that because she loved me with all her heart and I could feel it every time we touched. Every time we spoke. Every time she whispered something promising in my ear...I could feel her love for me multiply. She did nothing to this world. Why did they have to take her life from her?
Why did they have to take the life from me?
I don't find the days worth stumbling through anymore. Gull and I had parted when neither of us had noticed, probably falling off into a eternal daze of why-me's? And guilt. I didn't save her. I didn't at least try. Maybe if I did, I'd be with her right now.
I close my eyes for a while, and I didn't see anything in the pitch darkness anyway. But I liked it. I liked the darkness because I could think. It was like I was frozen in time. When I open my eyes once more, all I can see is the white outline of snow on my vision, framed in a black abyss.
I was sitting at the water's edge, my head now upturned to the skies, closing my eyes once more I think of Gull and his demanding tone when I told them that "he killed her." My breathing starts to even out, my eyes fluttering closed, my head falling back down to my cool chest. Falling asleep here wasn't a good idea, but I haven't slept in days and I needed the rest after all that thinking. All that wandering. What I need right now is a guide.
She was my guide and now she's gone.
From seeing the watercolor world we live in slowly turn a light shade of tin
smiles fade to frowns
ups turn to downs
some of us have lost our spark
lost our drive
lost our heart
@Gull
