Listening with still so much anger toward the situation at hand, I watched Caleb with sharp eyes. I didn’t want him here. I wanted to play it up to make it look better on my end without him knowing. I wanted to see both of them, but here I was making an ultimatum that would inevitably ruin me as a person. It was going to kill me to have to choose one or the other, but I didn’t think I could do without either. Sacrifices must be made, no matter how much it hurt me and those that I loved. I needed to figure it out before more people got hurt.

As Caleb expressed who he was, I felt a bit more livid near him. Here he was pointing fingers at us and I wasn’t going to have that. I wanted to point fingers back. The fact that he did tell me that either I was his or he would find me. And him accusing Tembovu of not being around me for as much as he said he loved me, upset me as well. I trusted Tembovu, and I’m sure up until this moment he trusted me as well and I had broken it. I had broken many things in both these relationships. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been with either, perhaps they both could move on and find someone they could love diligently and eternally and let me fend for myself in the hopes of finding someone willing to forgive mistakes. Wishful thinking, huh?

My absence by the both of them was understandable. But to say he looked hard for me, I found interesting. Did he not trust me? Was it because he knew that I was too much like him to trust? He would have been right. I wondered how many other mares he had been with while we were together, or whatever we were? I wasn’t sure what to make of any of this and I managed to zone out and stare into space seemingly through him as he took to the skies.

I was lost in thought before Tembovu’s rumble of a voice brought my attention back. ‘He’s in your herd, isn’t he? Is that how this happened?’ His voice was still a strong rumble but held a hint of upset in it. I shook my head, unsure of where Caleb even was. He had spoken of a rank, but I hadn’t seen him around the Basin. Perhaps he had joined an outcast band or something? “No. He was an outcast.. I don’t even know if he could be accepted into the Basin with his wings.” I muttered the end, curious still as to where Temb had gotten that idea.

Then his next words began to sink my heart even further. I nodded slowly, numbly, a sour pit in the bottom of my stomach started to creep up into my chest like a knot. I sighed but had to agree. It was broken. I had made it that way. I had always made it that way. “Listen, I take full blame. It is broken, I never end up making anything easy and you should have known that from the beginning.” I paused, turning my crowned head to face the elephant to hear his next set of words. I shook my head once again. “Temb, I can’t hurt you anymore. I think… As much as I don’t want to; I think we should start off again. We need to learn about each other before rushing into things. Perhaps then we can figure out our lives and I can stop hurting everyone. You need to learn about my history, about what I really am and why I am the way that I am. I have duties at the Basin, but we can meet more often. I want to see you, I want to love you; but I can’t keep hurting myself in hurting you. And I can only hope that one day you can forgive me for what I’ve done and what I’m sure I’ll continue to do. I’m… messed up Temb. I’ve been through some difficult things and I’ll make it through this. I can only hope that I still have a friend at the end of the darkness.” I felt strong at the beginning, but slowly I devolved into a blabbering bitch. I felt my eyes well with stinging tears as I said the words I didn’t want to say. I didn’t want to hurt him more, but I didn’t want to be responsible if I messed up and was with him. Perhaps being friends for now would ease some pain, even though it resulted in more at first.





Rexanna