i am the vanguard of your destruction

Oh shit.

As quickly as he had found it, he lost it, in the ashes of his own flames; the pieces of his heart shattered again, crystal fragments falling to the sidelines like roadkills along a highway. The dark smile froze in place upon his lips, and the winter in his mind grew deeper—colder—eternal.

He had always been sensitive, perceptive, tuned in to the small shifts in atmosphere. Sometimes, it was a blessing, enabling him to sense how his words were received; sometimes, it was a curse, because he felt just how deeply he had cut.

A phoenix was reborn from its own flames—it burst into fire when too old, too haggard, and came from it renewed.

But when the flash of fire faded this time...

Mauja's lips were as stiff as his frostbitten heart, legs locked in the death-grip limbo of his soul.

No—

He swallowed. The Tembovu he had seen before the blaze had bitten his eyes had been smiling, jovial, calling him friend and trying to tease him back into life—the Tembovu that stared at him now was dark, closed off, his eyes an eternity of accusation and pain. And Mauja's soul, shaken to the core, kept trembling in its chains of ice. He barely even saw the singed skin, barely even felt the smell of lightly cooked flesh—like the prey he had become he was trapped in Tembovu's eyes.

I did this—

His heart was fluttering like a butterfly, lost and confused, adrift in a darkness so deep he barely even remembered light.

Oh gods, I did this—

He didn't even hear him over the staccato roar of his pulse, didn't even see those black lips moving. His world had been reduced to the nauseating shame, and the darkness of his friend's (pleasepleasepleaseplease—) eyes.

I fucking did this to him—

And like fucking prey he would keep fleeing, backpedaling in the muck as the giant approached. Coward, he sneered at himself, digging his hind hooves into the mud and pivoting right. Tembovu's hooves hit the ground next to him, sending up a rain of foul slush, and his horn lanced the air. With his shattered heart somehow pounding out a coherent enough rhythm to power him he leaped forward one step, frosted hooves sliding into the soft earth.

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry—

Oh gods forgive me—

But he had to fight it out. (I can't even fix him later.) He had to keep going. (You gave me something beautiful and I ruined it.) He had promised, hadn't he? (I told you, Elding, I'm a soulless fucking monster—)

Tembovu was a powerhouse, but somehow Mauja had dodged him twice, and he had to make do with what he was given—and no more fucking magic.

He was too tired to mask the light of agony in his pale gaze, too tired to smooth out the lines of guilt marring his eyes; simply kept moving in an arc to the left, back in towards Tembovu. No magic, no horns, because hadn't he done enough already? He locked his jaws tight together. The Glazier might be taller, but Mauja was by no means small, or thinly built. He would put the goddamn man through his paces, because it was the least he could do now, so he mustered what force he could from the shitty, slippery ground and threw himself towards the Glazier's haunches—hopefully, his left shoulder would connect with Tembovu's left flank, and push him enough off balance to make a retaliation from his hind legs come a little slower. Mauja had no desire to catch a blow to the head, so he would do what he could to keep the titan from kicking him to hell and back..

.. not because he didn't deserve it .. because that he did .. but he couldn't apologize if he was dead.

I'm sorry, he thought again, bracing, head low and to the right. I'm so, so sorry.

[ 2/3 || @Tembovu || 665 words. ]

credits

PROSE: Much, much better this time! You kept to the same tense throughout the post, and you had what felt like a more natural flow—without missing out on terrain details! There's only a few minor things I have to comment on:

You still had a few spelling errors. They weren't "incorrectly spelled words" but rather you slipped on keys and didn't catch it, for example it says "his" instead of "is", and "dry" instead of "try".

I don't know if this is intentional in your style, but sometimes I feel that you could've used transitions more, such as commas, semicolons, and hyphens/dashes. Your post reads in a staccato fashion, and like I said, I don't know if it was your intention or not, but being a very flow-y person myself I would recommend trying to string more sentences together. A few examples:

The fire birds have burnt a clearing in the fog between the two stallions. Though it only serves to highlight the black edging into his vision. Could've been one sentence in my opinion, with a comma instead.

A hiss escapes from clenched teeth. But it is not the raw skin or seared nerve endings that elicit such a pained response from the antelope stud. Could've been one sentence, and the next coming one: "It is the smell of burnt flesh." would've had a bit more impact for me.

Like I said if this is your way of stylized writing ignore me! I am just going off what I feel, and such. Staccato-ish writing can be really impacting but as with all things, it needs contrast. :)

Otherwise, you did well with terrain damages (???? I literally wrote that, I think my logic went terrain is bad > damages your movements, I guess I meant "terrain effects" really...), and given that you considered their breed differences in the first post it's not big deal that you didn't this time around much, but if it doesn't come naturally in the third post either I would consider seeing if I could retrospectively add something about it. Doesn't have to be much, really, you don't have to be Captain Obvious about it in my opinion. But.. I'm not a judge. <_>;

DICE ROLL/DAMAGE: I believe you could've spent a bit more time describing the damage. You touch a little upon it, "scalded skin and seared nerve endings", but there's no real mention of how bad or not-bad it is, or how it'll affect his movements. Will he limp, because moving his right shoulder is going to cause him pain? Etc. But I do think it was appropriate damage taken given that Mauja specifically tried to not give him a full blow of it, I just would've liked a touch more about it. Giving damage enough space in a post is super hard, and you're talking to someone who sucks at it. xD

ATTACK: This attack made much more sense! Maybe because it is very head on, there isn't really anything to get confused about, and I love that you ended it on the open note of the attack. Given the situation it's a fitting attack. However, as I mentioned above with damage, rearing up a little and striking out would probably trigger pain if his shoulder is burnt, as he would rotate it when striking. Just something simple as "he struck out, but the reach on his right was shorter, the pain crippling his motion/reducing his reach from its full potential", or if you're going Terminator on Mauja's ass, "he struck out, snarling [within or outside] as he forced his right limb to strike to its furthest despite the agony wracking his nerves".