MEGAERA
Realism [+2.5]
I really liked your starting tactic using the light magic to blind your opponents while rushing in with a buck - and trying to distract him with talk! I was a bit confused with the positioning though, because you said you had her right on his left, meaning you’d be facing the same direction, but considering you came into the clearing after he was already there and had a conversation it’s pretty safe to assume his back was not to her, meaning she’d have had to run around to get to his side and face the same way as him (which in and of itself is not improbably, but wasn’t exactly explained). Plus you said you bucked at his head, meaning you’d have to be nearly a horse length in front of him - and is a difficult attack to pull off given their height differences. I liked your utilization of the terrain though and mention of stats differences (however endurance is the only thing she has on him, and strength is the only thing he has on her…).

In your second post I again loved your utilization of the terrain, having her trapped by the brambles. You took his hit to her shoulder but didn’t really explain the injury in any detail other than it hurt, which made it difficult to gauge if it was appropriate damage. I need details such as was it bruised, bleeding, affected the bone etc. Really good response and attack method to being aged back to a filly though, and your companion attack.

Overall continue to think about realistic positioning, height, and stats differences when fighting, but great inclusion of terrain and strategy!


Emotion [+2]
I felt a constant emotional connection with megaera throughout the fight as her anger and warrior-mind motivated her to start this, even as you said, when she normally might avoid this opponent and arena. I was hoping for more reaction to Archibald’s attacks however, like how she felt when he hit her, was she afraid or just determine? There was a little bit of this when she was trapped by the brambles, and I really liked when she was reverted to a filly seeing that backstory which explained why she blindly flailed attacks. Great connection with the companion as well.


Prose [+3]
You had consistently good flow and transitions, and great imagery.


Readability [+2.5]
Very minor typos was all I found, but when they do add up it can be distracting. Otherwise easy to understand.

P1:
“...angry click if a beak and..” (of)
“...neither was in unheard before….” (it?)
“...Now, and stay their!...” (there)
“...the tiny caring, making…” (clearing)
“...mental map or rocks and…” (of)
“...When her eye’s returned…” (no apostrophe)

P2:
“The Dauntless chosen his…” (chose)


Finally tally: 44+(10*2)= 64 HP


ARCHIBALD
Realism [+3]
I really liked your opening response and felt a rear to the bright light was very realistic, as well as a nice way of avoiding the majority of Megaera’s attack. I’m not so sure how Archibald got hurt by brambles during this though, because it seemed to read as if he was preparing to engage Megaera, then the light caused him to rear on the spot, which wouldn’t have been right beside brambles - however Loretta running into the thickets made sense. All of it was a good amount of damage for the roll of 1 though. Your counter-attack to buck at Megaer’s right shoulder however was odd position wise to me because Megaera would have been in front of him, so in order for him to hit her shoulder with a buck he’d have to get in front of her, which is fine except the way it was described sounded like he ended his rear and bucked, meaning she would have been out of range being in front of him. I liked the inclusion of your armor though and the use of the companion’s magic.Good utilization of the terrain!

In your second post I liked your explanation of her flailing attack dislodging part of his armor and cutting his neck as he tried to get closer to her, but you don’t mention whether or not her armor and it’s spikes affected your hoof at all when he kicked at her - in her response she had mentioned the spike might hurt his frog, and you neither denied nor confirmed this so it appeared ignored. Further, you attempt to use your spiked armor to hit her undercarriage when you come close, but given their large height difference this seems more like it’d affect her side. Good response from Loretta to being grabbed and in turning trying to shake/bite the bird off, but there wasn’t much explanation to her injury and combined it all seemed less than a damage roll of 6. You mention stat differences but they’re a bit incorrect since Archibald and Megaera are equally agile and fast, he has greater strength and she has greater endurance. Great utilization of terrain again!

Overall great use of realistic attacks, just consider positioning and height differences more and incorporate stat differences to bring in more realism.


Emotion [+1]
Archibald and Loretta definitely have a strong bond that is easy and enjoyable to read, however aside from that I felt like I didn’t really get to understand their motives or emotional responses. Your posts were very action-heavy and though I understand Archibald is very much a warrior, I was hoping to get more emotional feedback from him - though I enjoyed his reminiscing of the Romani fight.


Prose [+3]
You had consistently good flow and transitions, and great imagery.


Readability [+2.5]
Very minor typos, otherwise easy to understand.

P1:
“...ripped at Archibald's lefts….” (left)

P2:
“OFtentimes Loretta's magic…” (Oftentimes)
“...on her as in….” (ass)


Finally tally: 64+(9.5*2)= 83 HP