He barely heard her answer, nor the long stream of words that followed. Tears kept leaking down the mottled cheeks and in his heart a chasm of grief kept swallowing up every stray feeling that flared up whenever he attempted to understand what she was saying. Hatred reared its ugly head at the mention of honoring or respecting this Sun God or whatever, he wanted to hiss and spit and object like he had done before, in another conversation... but even the memory of that became a spear of pain that stabbed through the anger, because it had been the first time he ever really talked to Ranjiri and it had been an argument. He had been arrogant and condescending towards the sweet girl, and the guilt over that too was in no way made up by the fact that they had parted in agreement.

Again he wanted to react when the mention of family, honor, loyalty flashed past. What family? How could he call any of these horses family when he barely even knew who was part of the herd or not? How could he feel any loyalty towards a bunch of strangers that had done nothing for him during these short months since his arrival? He hadn't even been properly greeted and introduced to anyone, just pushed in line after a quick exchange and left to figure things out as he went along. How was he supposed to feel any honor at the thought of dying in line of duty when he couldn't even say that he cared for anyone in this herd? They were just a gathering of strangers to him, some more familiar than others but every single one an unknown entity. Even Amaris, the sole reason why he was there at all, had disappeared somewhere without a word. So much for her promise to help him. So much for whatever shared history or false feeling that had made him think of her as a sister.

Not even blood mattered much, because the father that had promised to follow behind was nowhere to be seen, occupied with this or that - things that clearly mattered more than his only son.

But Cathun said none of these things, because it didn't matter anymore. Ranjiri was gone and it was his fault, and even though he felt somewhere that Megaera was expecting something from him he didn't know what it was, and didn't know what to say or do to give it to her.

"Okay" he whispered, voice hoarse and cracked with grief. The boy looked broken where he stood, tail drooping and head hung low towards the ground. So different from the arrogant brat that had stomped in when called upon, defiant and proud.

"Whatever you say. Can... Can I go now, please? I-I'd like to be alone..."

He didn't really expect her to permit it, but the weight of her gaze was oppressive and he felt choked, stifled, as if something was constricting around his wind pipes and made it near impossible to breathe.

In an afterthought the colt reached down and picked up one of the bloodstained feathers. The shimmering, clotted downs tickled the black velvet of salt-stained lips, and if he breathed in the colt imagined he could make out the scent of his friend, faded and faint and so sweet it made his heart ache with the loss of her.

If a breaking heart could make a sound, it would be like the shattering of glass and rain upon a deserted battlefield.

Cathun

The firebrand