AURELIA

"Who is to say you would not make such a choice again on a whim, and challenge one of us as you did before to Kahlua?" The fuck. Hadn't we already been over this? Hadn't I told him that I had done that, didn't he say that was in the past? A scowl I marked onto my features, anger and confusion. I felt both of them crashing down on me in a manner that was anything, but gentle. The world wouldn't give me on break, couldn't allow me one happiness. No-- no, it's not that. I have never allowed myself to be happy, to go with the flow. I had always done something to fuck everything up. Still, I couldn't help but feel like everyone waited for me to fuck up. They all watch on the sidelines, eyes staring at me, devouring me, searching for all the small errors, anything to tell them to hate me. I cannot even express how I feel at this moment. Was it wrong to say that I felt somewhat betrayed, that the decision of if I can have a home or not is so easily taken from me. What stuck with me, though, was one nagging thought. He hadn't even let me explain, jumped to conclusions that weren't wholly true. It was like he pegged me as bad, then figured I was evil when I fought against the Time God. Torleik was trying to figure me out. The stallion would find himself way over his head, because I am more than insanity. I am damaged, broken, hurt, tossed away like a dirty rag.

I cannot fathom why my life has played out how it has.

Now, her one chance to live with her family is gone, like torn pieces of paper flying away on the warm breeze of Birdsong's grasp. I was never going to be with them. I would be forced to be alone in a world that scared me excessively. "You don't even know why!" I yelled at him, tears pricking my eyes. "You don't even know why..." I whispered now, the tears slowly falling down my boiled cheeks.

I wouldn't be part of the Edge. I wouldn't be with my family, nor see my companion's grave, nor hide in the mists when I get scared. It wasn't hatred that brewed in her gut, but a sort of intense, burning, sadness. My nubby, hairless tail (thanks, Moon God) wags behind my golden ass as my mind conjures only one thing to say, one statement. "Fuck you." I spat, but not with hate, but my confused, bitter, sadness. 

Did I still even want to live in the World's Edge, even if the leaders were like this stallion? You know what, I do. My desire to live with my family succeeds any ignorant act one naive leader commits. Still, he is large and muscular and presumably a master war machine, and I am a simple ex-Seer. Normally, I would burst into a brilliant symphony of orange, red, and yellow flames and attack, but I don't. I fall.

I fall to my knees, then my ass falls. He's telling me to leave, to go away, to find somewhere else. But I don't have anywhere else. Where does he expect me to go? "YOUR THE ONE WITH A HOME AND A FAMILY! YOU LEAVE!" I shout, loudly, belligerently. I don't even know what I am doing anymore. I'm laying on the ground, yelling at a lead, mostly hairless and boiled-up, crying. I had been reduced to this a long time ago. Reduced to insanity. I can't get help, can't fix this.

When Shilva died, she took half of my soul. Does everyone really expect me to make good choices while running only on half of a soul? And they say I'm ignorant.

"Talking"