Neither of them are whole any longer. They had both been broken by the love of the innocent, too pure and ghastly for their twisted souls. In the bright light of innocence lay the sharpest knife, after all. They had both felt the pain keenly, and though neither know of the other's experiences, Hotaru feels something dusty and aching in her soul that feels a little like kinship. Remembrance. If anybody ever had a heart, Hotaru wouldn't be alone. She had only darkness and glittering pieces of diamond left to give, nothing worthwhile to the whole and unbroken of the world. Nobody would ever understand the crevices of her soul, the way she moved throughout the world and the why. But looking upon him, watching as little odd electrical flickers consumed her vision of him, she wondered if perhaps he would understand. Had they not been rivals? Cut of the same cloth? Or was he once more above her, better than her, by being able to avoid this pit she'd fallen into? One she was terrified to name, for how it had hounded her across the landscape of her dreams all her life. Weren't wayward princes and smiling gentlemen supposed to be her twin's gig? Why was it that instead, they all flocked to Hotaru, bidding with gleaming grins for the chance to shatter her twisted heart?

There is little understanding to his gaze, and instead she keenly feels the hateful stare of Haldir. A choked sort of noise crawls free of her throat, twisted and sick. Some sort of mix between a laugh and a sob. Oh, so now she was the criminal? He who had preyed upon her in all other ways, was not allowed to be submitted to the brutal honesty of her emotions? Was she to be hated by the pair of them, for her weakness but more so for her daring to love him? And it fell like a rock into the pit of her stomach, though with a weight akin to a boulder for how she felt suddenly floored by the realization. By the gods, she loved the asshole. And she wanted to scream, wanted to hyperventilate, wanted to GO GET OUT RUN NOW GET AWAY because she couldn't handle this pain another time. Not after all the chances and trials and heartbreak. Love had turned her into this monster, this darkened shadow of grace and mercilessness. If it was to ruin her any further, what would she become then? How much farther could she fall, until she was but a wraith of grief and anger like her father? Driven to madness over love?

But Alice was there, firmly at Thranduil's hooves, and their bond thrummed with betrayal and despair. Where Hotaru sought to find support she saw only a sea of faces standing against her, the physicality of her worst nightmares. One mare against the world, the ones that sneered and cajoled and whispered and cackled behind her back like starving hyenas. When she fell, they would descend upon her, rend her to pieces, and leave her with less than the nothingness she already carried. How could you? her heart screamed in agony staring into the nothingness of her companion's eyes. How could you leave me now? To this fate that she herself had concocted, a script she'd watched her own hands write. Now she had to recite them, watch as laughter took over his face, as he spit upon her empty hands held up to him in offering with nothing but the shards of her heart embedded in the skin. Except...the laughter never came. She waited, tense and hunched as if to physically protect and cradle her heart while it remained familiar to her, whispering condolences and apologies before it was shredded even further. 

In some ways, she was blessed, that he came to her as weary and hurt as she. His lack of comprehension was an out, a way to escape from her own confession before it tainted and cracked her lips like acid. And wasn't it ironic that the mare she regarded as her aunt had done this to him? Once upon a time Lakota had rescued Tingal to bring him to her in the Foothills. Was this her next sordid present? Bloodied and bruised in some unspoken understanding of how Hotaru had changed? And as his voice finally comes, cracked and warbled, she wonders why she ever thought that he could reciprocate. What sign had he ever given her of interest? Wasn't it supposed to be her job, the torch she carried for her mother, to warp and manipulate men? Why was it that she had been cursed with this one weakness, this one awful thing from her father? To love and love and love too much, left with nothing but a broken mind and sand that once belonged to her glass heart? Love is a game for fools and the desperate. Which one did I end up becoming?

He rattles and rasps, but the words he speaks are clear. Funny, she thought he'd be more vehement in his rejection. Why did she ever press this upon him? She knew his answer, after all. She was a child, a fool, a burden. So much left to learn, and he would serve her this lesson on a gilded platter with edges that cut severed until the only memory she left of him was bloodied. Until she stares at him, feeling desperate and lost, a hurricane whipping out of her control. Magic coils restlessly inside her, wind shifting disturbed and excited at her hooves, playing in the curls of her mane. Little lacerations that she did not notice, could not focus upon, caressing her skin like a demon's caress until her hide was bleeding steadily. At least, until his words came back stronger, his own self-hatred shining through whether he was aware or whether she projected it there upon his vocals. Shrouding the truth in her own desires. 

The winds died down, and though her blackened heart strangled her as it sat lodged in her throat, Hotaru took an unsteady step forward. Tried to swallow past the fear, arms trembling as she lifted her proffered heart higher to him. A chance...just a chance. "You were never my nightmare," she hiccuped softly, trying to clutch at her bravery, at something that still remained inside her control. Did you feel like this when you met father, mother? Did you stare into his eyes and find something of yourself in him? Did you feel this weakness that I feel in my knees, this fear that he will find me unworthy? But that if he does feel something for me, somewhere...that it will somehow erase all of my busted edges? Do all true love stories have such dark beginnings in our family tree? Somehow, thinking of her mother gave her strength, and she closed her eyes briefly and tried to think about what Raeden would do. 

Striding forward she closed the distance between them, trying to draw herself taller - not that it would help much with how he towered over her - and patch herself back together. She had one shot at this, she couldn't simply lay down and let him reject her. She had to try. "You are no nightmare to me. You are flesh and bone, pride and devilishness. You infuriated me for so long," she laughed helplessly, maybe a little hysterically. Was the air getting a little thin? Surely? "But you never scared me. Never." It was a whispered oath, a promise, and her eyes were wide open and bared for him for the first time in...Hotaru didn't want to think about how long it had been since she'd let herself feel something like this. "How can I not respect you? How can I not envy and desire you? Your soul is so much like mine, you are more home to me than terror of my dreams." And her breath left her on a trembling sigh, because that was far more profound a confession than any other in some ways. 

Denial comes next, slapping her in the face, and though Hotaru desires to rock back from the blow she stands her ground and swallows thickly. Laughs tearfully, disbelieving. "Which of us is hurt worse, Thranduil?" He is beaten and bloodied, and for a moment the rosen lass wished that she had an affinity for herbs, some sort of magic to offer to spare him the pain of his wounds. And wasn't that a new feeling? To want to ease the suffering of others, when generally she was the one inflicting it? 

Instead she dropped her eyes, sucked in a sharp breath. "If you feel nothing for me, then just say it," she hissed, but it warbled uncertainly and cracked in the middle. "Don't blame this on this disease. Don't reduce me to that, Thranduil," and it occurred to her that she was begging, but she couldn't help it. Not when he stood before her, evading her vague confession, trying to blame it on something out of both of their control. "Do you want me to say it plainly?" It was a challenge to herself, even as she felt quite like fainting even as the words came out of her mouth. Her lip quivered but she lifted her bi colored eyes to meet his earthen coins, wondered when the Laurelin had gotten so good at stealing hearts without the victim noticing. Steeling her resolve she sucked in a breath, trying to still her pounding heart.

"I love you, Thranduil." And her knees quaked, and this time she really did stumble back a little, as if terrified to hear her own voice speak those awful words. "I never thought I could again," came out unbidden, a strained murmur. Hotaru's form was tensed, prepared to turn and flee like a coward if his face took a turn for the negative. She couldn't bear it, she would not. Regardless of however he'd view her, she'd simply run. Run to hide her heartbreak, her disgust with herself. A frightened, cornered animal, her courage dwindling rapidly in the massive yawning void that had been opened after her words came free. Ready to swallow her whole. 

I'm not a girl, I'm storm with skin