It was strange how the body reacted to stress for everyone seemed to handle it in their own way. Some tended to shut down when under pressure while others seemed to thrive making the rest of them look like cowards. Shamefully her reaction had always been the typical heart racing, paralysis, inner torture along with the feeling as if you were being suffocated by the very air you breathe. Each breath seems to catch in your throat trying to deprive the body's ability to perform the major essentials of life. Panic begins to set in turning your once warm flesh into stone cold lead sheets that restrict all movement while contributing to the overall suffocation. If you manage to pull through others would call you strong when in reality you are slowly dying inside. No one can see the pain or feel how you feel leaving you drowning without any sort of lifeline to cling to. When your heart finally gives way letting the barriers collapse under all the strain it will take you with it straight to the bottom of the barrel. Nothing makes sense anymore, each relationship you had starts to breakaway and you feel hopeless to try and change it. You are too scared to move on and would rather let yourself drown then expose yourself for what you are, a coward.

As the mare's words faded into the night a deafening silence seemed to stir up the black monsters that wound tightly around her trying to pull her down to the depths of hell. Feeling her vision give way to the torrent of repressed memories there is nothing she can do to stop them as they all barrage her one by one cutting deeply into her flesh as a reminder of what had once been. A blood curtling scream erupts out of her yet the silence prevails only to reveal herself as a young filly surrounded by the dead carcasses of what had been her family. Blood stains the girls grey coat as her father falls before her never to move again, never love again, and never see his family again. It is only now that she realizes that the scream had not been from her lips but rather from those of her mother as she screams at her only daughter to run and never look back. The fear feels the same as it had been back then and her heart hurts all the same many even worse with all the additional tears that would follow throughout her lifetime.

Before another memory can surface the white mare can feel something press up against her neck immediately freezing her thoughts dead in their tracks. A new wave of panic begins to creep over her but something is different this time. This time the expected pain does not surface where the teeth should have been ripping into her neck, no this was... was warm and fuzzy. Voices fade back into range in the tones of her newest friend Whisper but much of them she cannot make out except for the ending. Nerves? No, she didn't need anything she was fine (not really but in her warped illusion of fine she was). "No.. no.." she mumbled still not completely back while shaking her head trying to manage to get out more of what she was trying to say. Blinking rapidly to clear the tears from her eyes she looks over to find no one other than Tembovu to be the one who had managed to pull her back to the here and now. No matter how small the gesture was it still meant a lot to her just to know that somebody actually chose to give a damn about her for once in her miserable life. Well she couldn't say for the first time considering how much Kaj had done for her along with the rest of her small group of friends. For as long as she lived she would love each of them and be eternally grateful for their kindness.

Taking a deep calming breath as the stag moved over towards Whisper she felt the tremors creep onto her hide as her body tried to catch up with what had just happened. Steadying herself she finally felt alright to say what she had failed to few minutes before. "I'm fine, I don't need anything. Just rest and regain your strength while taking advantage of cuddle time with your daughter. They don't stay that way forever you know." She replied gently as a small smile touched her lips. At least her voice a little stronger towards the end of that sentence so she sounded perhaps a little more convincible. Inside she could feel the anger boiling up towards herself at letting her mind get to the point it had. She should be stronger than this for it wasn't fair to burden her friends with her problems and failures. Why had she been so weak? Dammit what was happening to her?


Brisa talks